


We're Insane But Not Alone

by AmaranthineRose



Series: Set the World on Fire [5]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Recovering, F/M, Gen, Minor Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers, Phil Coulson Has the Patience of a Saint, Protective Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson is a Gift, minor Sam Wilson/Original Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-07-06 02:55:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15877041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmaranthineRose/pseuds/AmaranthineRose
Summary: Rebuilding is hard. Rebuilding your life after spending a few decades as HYDRA assassin is harder. But for the first time in his life, with the place that created the Winter Soldier turned into smoldering ruins in the dead of a Russian winter, Bucky Barnes has a choice. The question is which one to make.Or, the Avengers reform, Thor and Tony are exhausted by parenthood, Bucky learns how to choose again, and Bruce Banner finally shows up.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> We're moving along! This takes place in the immediate aftermath of I Am the Storm, and right after Thor's learning of Coulson's survival in Remember Me for Centuries but before the very end.
> 
> In the meantime, this is dedicated to my partner in crime, the Fimmons to my Sitz, Kate. All the random crap I asked you about Jemma Simmons is finally being used.

When confronted with the revelation that his long-thought-dead mentor was very much alive, Clint Barton was surprisingly calm.

He didn’t say anything to her while she explained the truth. Project TAHITI, SHIELD’s fall and feeble rise from the ashes. The group that Coulson was trying to pull together, the team he’d had before SHIELD fell. The betrayal of one of his agents, the near death of another, the takedown of John Garrett. Clint absorbed everything, listened to every bit of intel she had. There was no reaction before, during, or after it.

And then Natasha left him and told the rest of the group, all while Clint set a course for the area outside of DC. He needed time to think. She needed to give him that time.

The only two who understood the significance of the revelation were Steve and Sharon – Steve because he’d known Coulson with the Avengers Initiative, and Sharon because she’d been in SHIELD for years and worked with Strike Team Delta before. Kate, to her credit, seemed to understand it from the limited stories she’d heard about Coulson. Sam seemed confused. Even she couldn’t read Barnes’ face, where he was lurking in the doorway from the cabin.

Clint wasn’t angry at her. Natasha knew him better than that, and she’d told him when they were out of danger and Russian airspace. But she knew damned well how angry he was at Coulson, and the explosion that would come when they arrived.

She hoped he was ready for it. That they were all ready for it.

“Is Barton going to be okay?” Sharon asked quietly when they reached the airfield. Two black SUVs with somewhat questionable paintjobs were waiting, and Clint was silent as he moved into the backseat of one and slid in, not saying a word to the driving Skye even as Kate chattered with her in the passenger’s seat.

“He’s Barton. He’s always okay,” Natasha replied. Her gaze flickered towards the ramp as Barnes slowly came down, Steve not far away, Sam behind them both. “You go with them. I’ll go with the Hawkeyes.”

Sharon nodded her acceptance, waving the trio of soldiers over to the other SUV, pausing to squeeze Trip’s arm through the driver’s side window. “Shotgun,” Sharon called casually, smirking back at the three before taking the seat in question.

Sam rolled his eyes. “How does the shortest one of us all get the passenger’s seat?” he muttered, trying hard to inject something light into this tense atmosphere.

“You think one of us could stop her?” Steve only gave a weak smile, heading to the backseat with the others. “Go ahead and try and stop her.”

“I don’t have a death wish.”

Barnes moved a bit slower, a wary exhaustion deep within even his typical grace. He turned towards Natasha, watching her for a few moments with an expression she knew she did not want to get into. She nodded briefly at him and turned to her respective SUV. She didn’t get one step away before he spoke.

“Natalia.”

She froze.

Natahsa hadn’t heard that name in so long. The last time had been when Yelena called her it in DC, as a taunt, as a reminder that no matter how much good Natasha Romanoff might have done, she would never get completely away from Natalia Romanova.

He remembered her.

“We’ll talk about it later,” she promised. Warning blazed in her green eyes as she looked back at Barnes. “We will talk about it later. I promise. Not now. This isn’t the time.”

Barnes’s own blue eyes were narrowed, and he nodded briefly. “Fine,” he replied, not looking back at her before moving to the other SUV. The door slammed behind him, and Trip poked his head out and raised an eyebrow at her.

She sighed and went to join Clint, Kate, and Skye in their SUV. She would put Barnes remembering her on the list of shit she was going to have to deal with sooner or later. That list was getting longer by the second, and she didn’t doubt it would be worse when the day ended. Whenever that was.

The drive to the Playground was relatively quiet. Kate and Skye talked quietly in the front, about what they’d both been up to over the past few months, while Nat and Clint sat in the back.

Sometime in the middle of the two-hour trip, Natasha’s hand moved to Clint. She squeezed it tightly. To her relief, he squeezed back.

The warehouse area they drove into seemed to be abandoned. And it was far enough out of the way that no one would question it, not far away from a closed down quarry that probably provided it with an adequate cover story, should it need one. It entered one of the warehouses and drove down through some tunnels, finally stopping in a large hangar of sorts. She recognized a SHIELD plane nearby, black and heavy and huge. Its SHIELD eagle had not yet been painted over.

Clint was the first to leave the SUV upon their arrival at the Playground. His boots hit the ground with an audible stomp, his grey eyes examining everything as he closed the car door behind him. The archer flinched and glared at the man waiting for them a bit away, not looking back at the others as they got out of the car.

Phil Coulson, alive and clearly wary, waited patiently for whatever reaction he would get. He was in a suit that she’d seen him in a thousand times. Melinda May and several other agents stood with them, though Natasha only recognized one or two of them, Fury’s confidant Koenig among them. Well. One of the Koenigs, at least. Might have been Billy.

Natasha disembarked the SUV as Clint walked calmly to Coulson. The others had left the SUV as well. Sharon crossed to the other side, pausing a few feet away from Steve and shooting him a look. Sam stood on Steve’s other side, and perhaps very deliberately, Barnes was leaning against the SUV, behind all three of them.

There was silence for a few moments as Clint stared at Coulson, standing two feet in front of him. Everyone watched. Everyone waited. Natasha knew that it was only a matter of time.

Clint’s voice was surprisingly calm when he did speak. “You son of a bitch.”

Maybe it wasn’t that much of a surprise when Clint lunged forward and punched Coulson in the face.

Natasha and Melinda both moved forward, towards their respective long-time partner. Natasha knew that the punch wasn’t that much of a surprise. She could almost hear the wince from Kate. She did hear a low mutter in Russian from Barnes wondering what the hell he’d gotten himself into.

“Barton, that’s enough!” Melinda warned. She was moving to pull Clint away already. Or maybe throw him over her shoulder. It could have been either, knowing Melinda May.

“Melinda, don’t!” Phil’s voice was a bark, an order, and Melinda grit her teeth before shooting a look at Natasha that clearly said to stop Clint before she did. Coulson’s hand was at his nose, and Natasha caught a glimpse of blood.

“Yastreb! Clint!” Natasha’s voice was sharp, but not even that was enough to stop Clint from punching Coulson again when he straightened, sending him down to the ground. She groaned, looking back towards Steve and shooting him a look.

The super soldier shook his head and moved to the enraged archer as Clint made another lunge towards Coulson. He looped an arm around Clint’s stomach, pulling him to his feet easily. The third punch barely missed Coulson.

Steve’s tone was completely Captain America as he snapped, “That’s enough, Barton! That’s enough!”

“Get the fuck off me, Steve!” Clint snarled towards Steve, glaring back over at his former handler. “You let us think you were dead for two years! Two fucking years, Phil!”

“I didn’t have a choice, Barton.” Coulson moved carefully to his feet. There was blood coming from his nose, but his face was grim, his eyes exhausted. “I didn’t have a say in whether I got to told you.”

“Bullshit!” Clint slammed an elbow into Steve’s gut. It didn’t hurt the super soldier, but he reluctantly let Clint go. Clint didn’t go for Coulson again. “There is always a fucking choice,” Clint spat, glaring across at him. “You made your choice. You chose not to let any of us know.”

There was a moment where that regret flickered openly across Coulson’s face, and Clint snarled again, throwing Steve’s hand off his arm as he stormed away, stopping near the SUVs, still glaring towards Coulson. Near Sharon, Kate’s face was white as she stared across at Coulson. She’d never seen Clint like this before. She’d never seen Clint in the aftermath of Phil’s death. Natasha knew that this was going to be tough for her.

And Natasha knew that as protective Clint was of Kate, she was just as protective towards her mentor.

“If everyone’s done punching each other, we can actually begin talking,” Melinda said, shooting a withering look at Clint.

“We’ve got absolutely nothing to talk about, Mel. I punched him. That’s all I needed to say.” The archer rolled his eyes, arms crossed against his chest as he resumed glaring at his mentor, leaning against the SUV and sticking close to Kate in particular.

“I do believe we have something important to talk about.” Coulson did an admirable job of ignoring the blood from his nose, instead focusing on the rest of the newly arrived seven – Barnes in particular.

Bucky took a step forward, his head held high. Natasha watched carefully as Barnes moved past Sam and Sharon. She did notice the former SHIELD agent and former pararescue shoot each other worried glances, both of them clearly ready to move when they had to. Sharon looked towards Steve and nodding simply at him, and the meaning was clear – they had Barnes’ back.

Steve shot them both grateful looks from where he stood. The fact that he wasn’t the only one protective of Bucky was a relief. He wasn’t the only one who would be on guard, protecting him. He knew that Bucky might deny he needed protecting, but he knew that all of them would fight like hell to do so.

Trauma and tragedy created bonds. And the seven of them had gone through a hell of a lot together in the last day or two. That was why she and Clint worked well together. Why the Avengers had managed to come together.

Why, until the end of their days, the six original Avengers would have that fire-forged bond, and why Natasha knew on some molecular level that they would come back together again.

Coulson stepped forward, wiping some of the blood off his nose with a handkerchief, stopping directly in front of Barnes. “You must be Sergeant Barnes,” Coulson mentioned, like he didn’t have Barnes’ card in his personal collection.

Bucky lifted his chin, his eyes flickering over him. “Yes.” There was a hesitation to his reply, but his voice was strong.

The Director of SHIELD nodded slowly. “The Winter Soldier. The Fist of HYDRA.”

“That’s what they call me.” There was a darker edge to Bucky’s voice as he met Coulson’s eyes. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him, but did not react, did not respond. “I killed your last Director.”

“No, you didn’t.” A chorus of at least five people came then, Natasha among them, and Bucky raised a brow, looking in surprise when he realized that absolutely no one seemed shocked by the admission.

If it wasn’t for the gravity of the situation, Natasha would have found the growing look of confusion on Kate’s face amusing.

“Or I thought I killed your last director,” Barnes corrected, his voice slightly lower.

Coulson shuffled slightly. “To be fair, death doesn’t always stick. You and Captain Rogers can speak of that well enough,” he mentioned, nodding. He paused, studying Barnes’ face before asking, “What do you want, Sergeant Barnes?”

Steve moved to speak, but Sharon stepped forward, putting a hand on his arm. The super soldier looked sharply down at the spy, who shook her head firmly. He swallowed heavily, eyes flickering back to Bucky. The ex-assassin needed to speak for himself, say what he wanted out of this. After decades being used as a weapon, Bucky needed the chance to speak for himself.

And if Bucky truly wanted a place to recover, he needed to say so himself.

“I want a place to lay low,” Bucky said after a few moments. He crossed his arms against his chest, the metal clear in the gaps of his fingerless gloves. “I need a place to figure out who the hell I am. What my next move is. And they think this is a safe place to at least figure out what to do next. I don’t know if it is, or if I can trust you. But I do trust them.”

Natasha knew enough to know that even if Barnes was lying, that was something he wanted to believe. Perhaps that would be enough. Either way, she saw the flicker of relief cross Steve’s eyes at the word trust.

“Can’t guarantee how safe this place is,” Clint muttered, scowling. He rolled his eyes when Kate hit his arm lightly. He also pointedly ignored the death glare Natasha shot him.

Coulson ignored the comment but seemed to accept Barnes’ statement. “There are conditions to you being here,” he said. “The instant one of my people is hurt by you or because of you, you’re gone.”

Bucky nodded simply. “Understood.”

He was dangerous. Every person in this damned room knew how dangerous he was. Natasha knew there was no point in lying about that. There was no point in denying it. And Natasha knew that no one did anything without reassurances of their own safety, without getting something in return. Especially not someone who’d devoted their life to SHIELD. Natasha just wondered what Coulson wanted to get out of this.

“Though I understand any discomfort you might have with scientists, I also ask that you undergo a medical examination. It’s SOP for any new arrivals.” Coulson looked at the others, “And that’ll go for the rest of you as well, over the next few days.”

Steve only nodded, his hands on his hips as he watched his best friend. “He’s not a prisoner.” There was a hard edge to Steve’s voice. “The second he or one of us want to leave, we leave. No questions.”

Captain America had already burned SHIELD to the ground once to find a way to stop HYDRA, to find Bucky. He would do it again in a second if he had to, for any one of them.

 “I’m not in the mood to get into a war with you, Captain Rogers,” Coulson promised simply. Because each one of them knew that Steve would go to war if any of them were being held here against their will. “Your residence here, all of you, is by your own will.”

Sharon nodded before saying, “Sounds like all of us agree then.” Her tone was the conciliatory one Natasha heard when she was trying to calm everyone down. Usually that tone preceded a fight that Clay Quartermain started.

“For now, Sergeant, if you are willing to go to medical, we’ll have someone escort you.” Coulson’s eyes flickered towards Barton before he said, “Doctor Stiles is waiting in the infirmary with Doctor Simmons. If someone else would be willing to go-“

“I will,” Steve said instantly.

Coulson shook his head. “I was hoping to discuss other things with you, Captain Rogers.”

Steve frowned deeply, arms crossed against his chest. He wasn’t happy about that. It was understandable. After six months of racing after Bucky, the last thing he would want to do was let him out of his sight. He’d sat at Bucky’s side on the jet for two hours before he’d woken up. He’d kept close to the doorway even in the short times he’d left Bucky alone on the flight.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Steve said simply, though he knew that those terms would be important. They had to be discussed. And the sooner they were, the better. However temporary this arrangement was, they had to have open arrangements.

“It’s fine, Steve,” Bucky promised, his voice low as he shot him a serious look. “I’m okay. It’s just a medical check.”

The soldier didn’t look convinced. Steve turned, looking towards Sam, and the ex-pararescue nodded. “Go. I’ll stay with him.” Seeing Mia might have something to do with Sam’s volunteering, but Steve wouldn’t question it too much. Natasha would tease him for that later though, once she was sure everything was put back together.

Steve jumped half a mile when Sharon put a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll go with them too,” she promised simply. “I know what SHIELD SOP checks are like.”

The super soldier shot them both grateful looks, giving a relived sigh before saying, “Then let’s go talk, Coulson.” There was an exhausted, a disappointment, in his voice, and Coulson for his part looked slightly ashamed of it.

“Nat?” Coulson asked, raising a brow at her. “Will you be joining us?”

Natasha only nodded, giving a predatory smile. “You’re not getting rid of me that easy.”

With plans made, Trip crossed the room and ruffled Sharon’s hair as he passed her, drawing a death glare from the blonde. “C’mon, I’ll go with you guys to the med bay. Introduce you to Fit-“ He paused, taking a deep breath before saying, “Simmons. I’ll introduce you to Simmons.”

Sam followed, talking quietly as the two made their way towards the one door. Natasha watched as Sharon hesitated past Barnes, squeezing his shoulder. Barnes flinched, but looked back at her and nodding, walking alongside her to the medical bay. Natasha looked at Steve, who looked far more openly relieved at the fact that Bucky wasn’t alone now. Skye and Kate left through another exit, and she heard Skye mention getting food. Nothing like food to get over an awkward situation.

“Captain,” Coulson mentioned, gesturing towards the exit. Steve walked with him, and Coulson quietly mentioned, “I would also like a full report regarding the incidents at the Triskelion…” Coulson lead the way out of the room, leaving Melinda and Natasha alone.

“You’re still pissed?” Melinda asked, raising a brow at Natasha.

Natasha scoffed. “Damn right I am. But I don’t care about that right now. I care about making sure Clint is okay and that Barnes are safe.” She started to the exit. “You coming, Mel?”

Even if she was pissed at them, Melinda May was a friend. Natasha only had so many of them.

“Of course.” Melinda shook her head before saying, “I assume Barton will show back up eventually.”

Steve glanced behind him, surprise crossing his face when he realized Barton was gone. He raised an eyebrow at Nat, but seemed to sigh and resign himself to it when she shrugged.

“He needs some time to think,” Natasha said, shooting a hard look at Coulson as the four of them left the hangar. “And he sees things better from a distance.”

And she knew that the catwalks, and her partner, would be waiting whenever this meeting was done.

* * *

 

Bucky was not a fan of doctors.

It was an expected side-effect of sixty something years of being experimented on, he assumed. Medical consent was not a priority to HYDRA, nor was treating their test subject like anything that resembled a human being. Bucky was a lab rat and one for so long that even the lab of the Playground, where he’d never been, was anxiously familiar.

As far as he could remember, however, there’d been no female scientists or doctors in HYDRA, only the occasional female agent. He wondered if Coulson’s tactics here were on purpose, even if it was something as simple as the gender of the doctors. One doctor was in her early thirties, dark haired with a graphic tee on, and she immediately hugged Sam when she saw him. Sam hugged her back, and his shoulders almost seemed to slump with exhaustion.

Sharon leaned against the wall, arms crossed against her chest as she watched everything. Coulson’s man, the one Bucky heard Sharon call Trip, stood next to her. The two chattered quietly, though both were watching him. Sharon seemed almost calmer with her. She trusted this man.

Steve trusted Sharon, the other one named Sam, and Sharon trusted this man with them. Bucky didn’t trust any of them yet, but he knew that there was little to no choice for him.

The other doctor in the room was younger than the hugger, her hair a lighter brown as well, her dress more formal than the other. She was biting on her lip, frowning as she looked down at a thick folder. He dimly recognized it as his own, and for a brief second, all he could see was one of the doctors who’d worked with him.

His metal arm whined as it curled into a fist, and that was when Bucky forced himself to snap out of it.

No one seemed to have noticed that moment of weakness. Except, he realized, the younger female doctor. She paused, her eyes flickering to the others.

To Bucky’s surprise, she only smiled weakly at him and turned the page of his folder. She hadn’t told the others of that moment. Bucky blinked in surprise, forcing any expression off his face. He instead focused on his surroundings, on the conversation happening behind him.

“How is Clint?” the older brunette doctor asked, looking between Sam, Sharon, and even Bucky. She was treating him like he was one of them, like it was nothing. “Badly hurt? Him or any of you?”

“Cuts and bruises for the most part. He’s more upset about Coulson,” Sharon replied simply, sighing as she sat down at one of the high-top seats on the one side of the room.

“Understandably so,” Sam muttered, sighing and scrubbing a hand over his face. “You call his brother?”

The older brunette nodded. “Yeah, Barney knows. And he knows about Coulson, he’s livid. Knowing him, he might just jump on a plane to DC and see him-“

He stopped listening at that point. The three clearly knew each other and were catching up. If it meant that less attention was put onto him, he was fine with it. He did not want people to pay attention to him. He wanted to stay under the radar. That was better off for all of them.

“Sergeant Barnes?”

Someone called his name, and everything went quiet. Bucky’s ice blue eyes flickered to the speaker, and he swallowed.

The younger doctor was in front of him and speaking with him. She was small, and slender, and was British. And in her ears were what looked to be tiny blue phone boxes. She was pretty, that much was clear, and Bucky caught a brief flash in his mind of picking up girls like her in dance clubs, a long time ago, back when Steve had been small and scrawny…

Bucky forced the thoughts out of his head, squeezing his eyes shut before looking back at her. “Yes.”

She looked surprised that he responded but took it in stride. “My name is Doctor Jemma Simmons, I’m a biochemist here.” She gestured at the objects next to her, and Bucky realized that it was a syringe with a needle. “If you don’t mind, could I please take some blood?”

He didn’t respond for a few moments. Bucky frowned slightly as he looked back up at her. “You’re _asking_?”

Bucky was vaguely aware that she looked almost surprised in turn. “Of course,” she said, like it should have been obvious. “Bodily autonomy is important in medical procedures, even if these are required…” She trailed off when she saw the look on his face. “I’ll only do it if you’re alright with it.”

Bodily autonomy. That was not something that Bucky Barnes was used to. He was almost impressed that she had asked, that she was acting like there was nothing out of the ordinary about that.

“…yeah. You can take it.” He was alright with that, at least. Especially since the Director had said that it was required.

Doctor Simmons gave a little smile and moved to the left arm. She proceeded to pause, her eyes widening before she moved back to his right arm. “Sorry about that,” she murmured, a faint blush on her cheek. “Forgot about that.”

“It’s fine.” Bucky felt the corner of his mouth twinge, and he watched her carefully. People didn’t forget the metal arm, but she genuinely had. And that amused him, honestly.

The British doctor sighed as she took the sample carefully. “In the… records we have, they did use different drugs, many of which would cause a withdrawal. Did you have any withdrawal symptoms? Vomiting, nausea, potential diarrhea?”

God knew those first few days after his decision to go after HYDRA had been hard. He’d woken up in his own vomit two days after he’d decided to go on the run to take down HYDRA, and had been bed ridden for at least a week. It had been hell, but he was better now. He had to be.

“Not for months. The first week or two after the Triskelion were the worst. Last symptoms were day eighteen.” It wasn’t a lie, technically. It just didn’t give away everything. He didn’t like to think about those first days anyway.

He’d counted the days at first, until he realized that he’d lost count somewhere around day one hundred and twenty-eight. It was a surprisingly victorious feeling, realizing that he’d however briefly lost count of how long he’d been away from HYDRA. He’d been sure so many times that it was temporary.

It didn’t seem like it was going to be temporary. Maybe this freedom would last.

“Any major chemical withdrawals would have occurred in those first few weeks,” the biochemist said, frowning as she finished the blood sample. She reached down and bandaged the wound. “I think you might have escaped any problems with that, but the blood sample will help. I’ll make sure it’s destroyed when Doctor Stiles are I are done-”

“Mia,” the older brunette doctor called, rolling her eyes where she stood nearby, watching them. “Mia. My name is Mia, Jem. Call me Mia.”

Bucky caught Sam smile slightly, glancing back at the woman. Wilson was smitten with her. With a jolt, he realized he was still looking at things like that. Looking for pressure points. Like the way that Carter had been sticking close to Steve, perhaps out of a familiarity, obligation, or more. Wilson cared for the older doctor in a different way.

He didn’t have to do that anymore. He didn’t have to find the weaknesses and the pressure points of the people around him. He was safe.

Briefly, he wondered how long it would take for him to remember that he was safe.

A British accent cut through his thoughts. “Any time you have questions regarding this procedure, please ask,” she mentioned to him, taking a small flashlight and moving to his face. “It’s your body, Sergeant Barnes. You deserve to have what answers you want, when you-“

“What’s your name again?” Bucky interrupted, just before the caramel-haired doctor continued whatever tangent she might have been on next.

He’d heard her name before, but he wanted to hear her say it. Because he didn’t want to just think of her as a doctor. That was a recipe for everything to fall apart, for her to someday get his metal hand around her neck. And he could not risk anyone else getting hurt.

She paused, almost surprised that she would have been asked that. “Jemma. My name is Jemma Simmons.”

Jemma Simmons. Pretty name for a pretty doctor.

Bucky nodded slowly. “Do you mind if I just-“ He took a deep breath before admitting, “I don’t have the best experience with doctors. And calling you doctor might… might trigger some stuff.” Admitting it was almost liberating, but terrifying. “Calling you both by your first names might help.”

She didn’t hesitate in nodding. “Jemma is more than fine, Sergeant.” She paused as she looked down at the clipboard before saying, “What would you prefer to be called?”

He thought. They’d called him the Soldier. The Asset. The Fist of HYDRA.

He didn’t want to be those any more.

“James,” he said simply. “Just James for now.” He didn’t think he was worthy of the name Bucky yet. Maybe he would never be. But James was at least a start, even if he didn’t tell Steve not to call him that anymore.

“Do you want the rest of us to call you that?” Mia asked quietly from where she stood next to Sam. She was sticking close to Sam, almost letting Jemma take up the lead on this, even though she was a true medical doctor. He knew that it had to be on purpose.

“Yes.” He hesitated before saying, voice lower, “Steve can still call me Bucky. I’m okay with that. But for everyone else…”

“James it is,” the man against the wall, Trip assured him. “Whatever you want to be called. We’ll make sure everyone knows it.”

Bucky’s eyes flickered to him, and he finally took a good, hard look at the younger man. Something flickered in his mind, like a dying candle against the wind, and he realized he recognized him. “You look familiar,” Bucky mentioned, frowning. “We haven’t met though.”

“We haven’t. You and my grandfather have though.” A genuinely enthusiastic grin crossed over Trip’s face. “Gabe Jones was my mom’s dad.”

Across the room, as she wrote in a few notes from the blood test, Jemma could see the held moment on Sharon’s face. The ex-agent looked towards Bucky, waiting for any sign that there was a memory triggered, if this was a good or bad sign. She also looked more than ready to put herself between Trip and Barnes should a fight break out.

It was nearly ten seconds, as Bucky studied Trip intently. Trip was perfectly calm, his chin lifted as he watched Bucky. He was as casual as if he was always studied by deadly assassins.

To the surprise of all, a genuine smile crossed Bucky’s face. “Jones,” he murmured, shaking his head. “Gabe. Your grandfather was a good man.” He hesitated before saying, “You said was…”

Trip waved a hand. “Passed a few years back in his sleep. It was quiet. Left his ashes on Grandfather Mountain. He talked about you a lot. Said you were a good guy. That all of you were.”

Something flickered across his face a few moments later, a deep melancholy that broke Jemma’s heart. Steve Rogers had gone through something like this, realizing bit by bit that the people he’d known and love were long gone. And Barnes had that on top of the fact that he’d been used as a covert assassin for decades. Steve had been lucky enough to been unconscious during all of it, but Bucky had gone through horrors between stints in cryo, according to his folder.

This man really did have so far to go. And it broke her heart to think about it.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Barnes said softly, closing his eyes. “I’m glad he had a good life though.”

“The best,” Trip assured him, giving a quiet smile. “He’d be glad to know you’re getting another chance.”

Bucky nodded, looking back down at his hands briefly. Maybe he was getting another chance. He just didn’t know if he deserved one or not.

“You know, one of the books I took overseas was a Gabe Jones biography. It inspired me to go into the armed forces,” Sam mentioned quietly, looking back over at them. Trip looked over in surprise, and Bucky’s blue eyes flickered to Sam. “I still have it on my bookshelf at home.”

“Written by Amanda Nowak?” Sharon asked. She smiled as she noticed Sam’s nod of confirmation and added, “That was my mom. She was a writer. Met my dad while writing Peggy’s biography.”

“No kidding,” Sam mentioned, looking impressed as he looked between them. “You two know each other, right?”

Trip snorted. “Since forever.”

Sharon laughed, shaking her head. “Diapers, at least. Howling Commando reunions. Fun fact, I dared Trip to eat dirt once and he threw up all over his mom’s lemon custard.”

“Hey! We said that would go to the grave.”

“You did. I made no promises.” Sharon laughed when Trip shoved her off the chair. She caught herself easily, shooting a middle finger at Trip.

To Jemma’s open surprise, there was a tiny smile on Bucky’s face. As she continued with the medical examination, the three chattered, Mia helping with the exam but for some reason letting Jemma lead it. Everything seemed to be easier with this talk. Everything seemed to be coming together.

Of all the conversation, the thing that caught Jemma’s attention the most was Sharon’s explanation of her mother’s work. When Amanda Forbes passed away in a fire when Sharon was six, the only two of her Howling Commando biographies unfinished were Steve and Bucky.

As she looked over towards James Barnes, Jemma thought that there might be some symmetry for that. And that maybe there was some hope for them both to continue their stories.

* * *

 

Steve was tired.

They were safe. They were safe from HYDRA and away from anyone that might be seeking Bucky for their own ends. That was enough for now. But Steve knew that this peace would not last, and ensuring it lasted as long as possible might require a deal with the devil.

For the life of him though, Steve never though Phil Coulson might be that devil.

“Avengers Tower isn’t an option?” May asked.

To their credit, Coulson and May seemed to be as wary about allowing Bucky to remain there as Steve was. But their options were incredibly limited, and he knew that they were going to need to debate the ones they did have nearly to death.

“No,” Steve said, his voice firm as he looked back. “With all due respect, ma’am, but it’s not. There’s too much attention on it. There’s now a newborn child in it. I might trust him, but… but I can’t ask Tony and Pepper to potentially put their daughter in crosshairs if something goes wrong.”

And there were a million things that could go wrong. Natasha was already making a list of them in her mind, Steve was sure of that. The redhead was on her feet, exploring the office with an open nosiness. There were boxes everywhere, and Steve briefly wondered how long SHIELD had been hiding there.

“Stark has made public about his plans to reform the Avengers as a response to HYDRA,” Coulson pointed out. He looked to Natasha. “You haven’t considered it?”

“I haven’t talked to Stark for a few months,” Natasha replied, raising a brow at Coulson before saying, “Don’t think for a moment though I won’t be calling him the second we get out of this meeting though.”

May only gave a sigh of annoyance. “Natasha.”

“Melinda.” Natasha glared back over at her before saying, “Every single one of us thought he was dead. He doesn’t get to reveal to one of us that he’s alive without all of us finding out. I kept the secret until Clint found out. Now, everyone’s finding out.”

There was no argument in her voice, and Steve could see the moment Coulson decided not to fight with Natasha about that.

“All of you are more than welcome to stay here as a part of SHIELD,” Coulson pointed out. “If you don’t wish to go back to the Avengers, there’s a place here-“

“No.” The answer was firm and hard from both Avengers.

Coulson blinked in slight surprise. “Clearly you’ve both made your choice.”

“I’m not going back to SHIELD,” Steve said, his voice low as he looked back at Coulson. “You don’t think I haven’t heard about factions popping up everywhere, claiming to be the legitimate one? Coulson, it’ll turn into fights over scraps quicker than you can blink.”

Natasha scoffed when Coulson tuned to her. “And I’m done, and I’m staying with Clint. There’s no way in hell he’s going to want to be near you for a long while, and you can’t blame him.”

“No. I can’t.” Coulson looked exhausted for a few moments, rubbing his temples before saying, “The offer will be on the table for the rest of them. But Barnes will need somewhere to stay.”

Steve’s eyes narrowed. “Is this you offering him sanctuary?”

“I don’t have enough room to run a shelter here. If you wants to stay here, he’s welcome. But we could use him in the field.”

“No.” Steve scoffed before snapping, “He just got away from HYDRA. He’s still recovering. He is not going back out into the field.”

“Isn’t that his choice?”

Steve took a deep breath. “It is,” he conceded, looking back over. “But are you going to accept his choice?”

“Will you?” Coulson countered.

Natasha’s hand moved to Steve’s shoulder before he could retort. Steve took a deep breath before looking back over. “You said there were other things you wished to discuss. Was that it?”

“I wish. Captain Rogers, did you ever hear about the Fridge during your time in SHIELD?” Coulson asked, turning his attention back to the super soldier.

Steve’s frown deepened as he briefly nodded. “A few times,” he mentioned. “It’s a SHIELD prison. Never went there myself.”

“Phil.” The look Melinda shot him was a warning, and Coulson only nodded. May sighed before shaking her head, sitting down in a far chair.

Coulson stood, moving towards the far wall. Steve turned, eyes flickering to Natasha. The redhead only shrugged lightly, tilting her head slightly as she watched her former handler pull up a surprisingly large number of pictures on the screen in front of them.

“In the chaos of the HYDRA uprising, two HYDRA agents managed to release everyone. We’ve managed to find a few of them, but others…” Coulson gave a tired sigh before looking back. “Others are still in the wind. And the type of people that were held in the Fridge are some of humanity’s worst.”

“And what do you want us to do about that?” Steve asked, knowing damned well what he would want.

“You pass this information along to Stark. Whether the three of you go back to the Avengers or not, he will have the resources to find some of these people. They’re dangerous. And with SHIELD the way it is right now… we don’t have the resources to hunt each one down.” Coulson sighed as he looked at one closed file.

Natasha stood, moving to one side of the room, looking at the files that were open. “You can put the Berserker staff back in active service,” she called, turning to look back at them. “A friend of Thor’s is using it now, a half Asgardian. Her name’s Sora Larsen.”

Coulson frowned, exchanging a look with May. “They got the staff back from Cuba?” he asked. Steve could almost see the headache forming.

“Anthony Masters did. I talked to Thor and Tony after they helped liberate Larsen and a few others from HYDRA.” Natasha’s eyes narrowed. “You were the SHIELD team Elliott Randolph met, weren’t you?” It wasn’t a question.

“That we were.” Coulson paused before groaning, “Wait, half Asgardian? Please don’t tell me Randolph is her father.”

“That he is,” Natasha confirmed, smirking slightly at Coulson’s reaction.

Coulson shook his head. “I’m ignoring that headache for another day. But these people are the worst that humanity has to offer. Enhanced psychopaths, dangerous soldiers of fortune… and HYDRA will be looking for them.” 

Natasha paused before looking sharply back at him. “What about Marcus Daniels?”

There was an edge to her voice that Steve noticed, and the super soldier watched as a blank mask, similar to both Barton and Romanoff’s, came over Coulson’s face. “He was the first one dealt with,” Coulson promised simply. “And the person you and I are both thinking of is safe.”

Natasha nodded, satisfied, and Steve gave a sigh. “And the rest of them?” he asked. “No sign?”

“The United States government is dealing with some. Others we’re trying to find, and I think that Captain America stands a better chance against them than some of my agents do.”

Steve sighed before saying, “Send the information to Natasha, and we’ll get it to Stark. I haven’t decided what I’m going to do yet.

“You’re more than welcome to take a few days to decide, but like I said… I don’t have enough room to make this a refugee center. I will need a decision.” Coulson nodded before saying, “If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask. I’ll get rooms ready for you and the others.”

The super soldier nodded before moving to Coulson and offering his hand. “I am glad you’re alive, Director,” Steve said simply. “I just hope you know what we’re doing.”

The Director of SHIELD gave a droll smile. “That makes two of us.” Natasha walked past all of them, phone already heading to her ear. “Can I guess who you’re calling?” Coulson called.

“You know who he is,” Natasha called, her voice fading. “And you know he’s gonna react just as well as Clint did.”

Coulson and May exchanged a look, and Steve knew already that it was going to be a long few days.

* * *

 

One day after their arrival, Clint was still up in the rafters of the hanger, watching all the goings-on from above. He’d only spoken to Natasha at length, with only Mia daring to pop up to annoy him every now and again, whether it be to harass him about eating or talking about his feelings. He was perfectly fine sneaking food during the night and bottling those feelings up, thank you very much.

That changed when Kate climbed up to his perch.

Of course, because it was Kate and boundaries to a teenage girl were nonexistent, Clint wasn’t completely surprised. He was impressed that she’d left him alone for a full day.

“I’m not in the mood to talk,” Clint warned, his arms around the railing as he stared down.

“Then don’t,” Kate replied. She shrugged lightly, sinking cross-legged onto the catwalk a yard or two away from him, her back to the wall. “I’ll just play Candy Crush or something. Volume turned off, of course, I’m not an asshole.”

Clint rolled his eyes. “I’d just go and stop wasting your time. Spar with one of them or something. Go spend stupid amounts of money.”

“I’m on vacation. This isn’t me wasting my time, this is me playing Candy Crush up on a catwalk because that’s where normal people go to hang out, apparently,” Kate deadpanned, tapping furiously on her phone and scowling at something Clint couldn’t see. “Maybe Angry Birds would be better…”

“Kate.”

“Clint.”

The older archer merely sighed deeply, closing his eyes and mentally counting back from ten before opening them. He watched the floor below, Steve and the mechanic down below, chatting quietly as they looked over the motorcycle. Coulson’s stupid red car was sitting on one parking spot near the motorcycle.

At least some people here were getting along. Even if he knew that Steve was forcing himself very hard not to hover around the medical bay, where Mia and Simmons were trying to come up with treatment plans to help Barnes.

He was just waiting to leave. Natasha wanted to stay until they knew what Steve and Barnes were going to do. Clint was only staying there for her, and for Mia and Kate. Maybe Steve and Sam and Sharon and Barnes. Maybe. They kinda had gone to hell for him.

That was going into dangerous territory. But Clint’s thoughts had been doing that often the last few days.

“Hypothetical question,” Clint said, his voice hard.

“Hypothetical answer,” Kate replied. He could feel her eyes on him.

Clint took a deep breath. “I die in some gigantic mess. You think I’m dead. You think it’s your fault. Turns out, I’m not dead, over two years later, and I kept it from you. How pissed are you?”

He was angry. He was angrier than he’d ever been. But a part of him was beyond relieved that Coulson was alive, that he didn’t have to carry that guilt around. But that guilt had been a part of him for two years, and he couldn’t turn it off with the flip of a switch. He needed someone to tell him he was being overdramatic.

“I don’t think that level of anger exists,” Kate pointed out simply, sighing as she put her phone in her pocket. She moved her leg forward, sighing as she moved into a yoga pose. “You have a right to be angry.”

“Damn fucking right I do,” Clint muttered, sighing as he moved from his crouch.

His legs swung in the open air as he watched everything down below, the mechanic working on the SUVs, Steve examining a motorcycle and chatting with said mechanic, everything. Even he noticed how Steve’s eyes would flicker to the other side of the room on occasion, in the direction of the medical bay.

Everything had turned into a fucking mess, and while Clint hated the fact that they were there, he knew it was the only option. Steve had helped to risk everything to save him. He couldn’t abandon him now.

His thoughts were broken with the silence moments later, when Kate finally spoke.

“You know, I cried.”

Clint finally looked back at her. Kate was looking at her phone again, but her fingers were still. She wouldn’t meet his eyes. Kate sighed as she moved next to him, letting her ankle-boot clad feet over the edge next to his.

“After I got in contact with Nat and got into the motel room in West Virginia, I cried,” Kate explained simply. She shoved her phone into her pocket before looking at him, “I broke down completely because one of the few people I cared about was missing and might be dead. So, I might not understand the entire thing with your mentor pretty much coming back from the dead… but I understand how much it sucks for one of the few people to believe in you as a human being with no expectations to be missing and likely dead.”

They didn’t do emotions. Clint Barton and Kate Bishop were not the type of people that acknowledged and deal with their emotions, good or bad. Their shared coping mechanisms were sarcasm and avoidance, following closely by coffee, pizza, and Lucky.

“Me getting caught wasn’t your fault,” he said. “I was trapped the second I got to South Africa. HYDRA wanted me there for an easy pick up, and Klaue knew who I was. Nat could take care of herself. You-” Clint shook his head. “You’re one of the best archers I’ve ever seen. But if HYDRA got you, you’d break. You weren’t ready for them.”

Kate took a steadying breath. “Good thing I listened to you then. And that I decided to go after you. You’re the only Hawkeye who gets to be brainwashed.”

“You didn’t have to come after me,” Clint pointed out simply. “I never expected you were gonna.”

“You knew I would,” she pointed out simply. “You’d do the same for me.”

“A thousand times over.” He reached over, ruffling her hair. “You’re a brat. But you’re a good kid. And you’re gonna be a better human being.”

Kate gave a deadpan smile. “Maybe that’s why I volunteered to take Rogers and Barnes to Target to get clothing for him. That or I’m a masochist.” She paused as she looked towards the floor below, frowning at the sound of squealing tires. “Someone’s here.”

Clint frowned, looking towards it as he paused, seeing a dirty truck slam into a space in the middle of the room. The truck was familiar, and the man that got out of the passenger seat was more so. Clint couldn’t help but grin when he heard the shouting that he knew came from the worry only an older brother could give.

“Alright, where is he?!” Barney yelled as he moved to the backseat of his truck. “Where the hell is my brother? Clint, I brought your damned dog, get your ass out here!”

He opened the door to the backseat, and Lucky burst out, barking loudly and running around. Clint’s heart nearly stopped at seeing his dog for the first time in nearly six months. God, what if Lucky didn’t remember him? It’d been so frigging long.

His protégé, however, seemed to hold no such fears. “Lucky!” Kate squealed, her eyes widening.

The dog looked up sharply at the sound of his voice, tail wagging so hard Clint was concerned it would break. The archer moved to his feet, hurrying to the ladder. Kate was right behind and then above him, all the way down.

Lucky jumped around the bottom, barking. He paused when Clint came down, tail slowly before he lunged forward, whining and launching himself at Clint.

Clint couldn’t help the laugh that came over as he opened his arm to the dog. “Hey there, buddy,” he laughed, hugging the dog tightly, hearing the whines and accepting the licks of one of the things he cared about most. “I’m alright, buddy, I’m alright. I’m home.”

“Stop hugging the dog and get your ass up here,” Barney ordered, grabbing Clint’s arm and pulling him into a tight hug. Clint couldn’t help but hug him back, Lucky still jumping around and barking. “You’re alright?” Barney demanded, looking at his brother.

“Of course I am,” Clint pointed out, letting him go a moment later. “Barton boys are survivors, remember?”  

A smile appeared on Clint’s face for the first time since he’d found out that Coulson was alive. Unseen by the Barton boys, Natasha stood near Steve and the mechanic, smirking as she shot a thumbs up at Kate.

Kate gave a weak smile, kneeling down and letting Lucky pounce at her. Sometimes, it was about the small victories, and that was the only way they were going to survive this.

That and the dog. Dogs always helped.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Sharon spar. The Avengers reunite. Bucky makes up his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting through this story if it kills me. This story is a lot of set up for the next four stories, including a Bucky centric one, a Steve centric one, and a surprise one later on, followed by the Ultron adaptation.
> 
> But for now, enjoy lots of sass, Thor and Clint bonding, everyone showing baby pictures, and Mattie returning as the only psychologist for superheroes.

There was a gym at the Playground that Steve was honestly impressed with. There were mats on the floor for sparring, treadmills, free style weights, anything that someone could have wanted for a full workout. Considering the dilapidated state of most of the Playground, Steve was surprised it was as put together as it was.

Either way, the morning of their second day of their temporary stay at the Playground, what Steve wanted was to hit someone. Preferably a member of HYDRA. But for now, he was sparring with someone else.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Steve warned as he bandaged up his hands.

Sitting on the mat across from him, Sharon shrugged and tugged her hair into a tight ponytail. Her legs were stretched in front of her, and despite Steve’s best efforts, it was impossible not to notice that Sharon had some very nice, very long legs. Her arms were bared in the tank she had on, and the leggings she had on left very little to the imagination.

This was not the time or the place. Steve pushed the thoughts away before focusing on Sharon’s reply. It was easy enough to practically hear her eyeroll at his warning. He was sure he was learning to hear Sharon’s facial expressions at this point.

And she was his friend. And the last thing Steve wanted to do was make anything more complicated than it already was. Especially with his friendship with Sharon still had some rough spots here and there.

“Relax, Steve, it’s a spar, not a full-on fight.” Sharon smirked slightly before rolling easily to her feet, not needing to use her hands for balance. “Don’t you dare go easy on me though. I’m pretty good at this, believe it or not.”

“I believe it, if they trusted you to guard me,” Steve assured her. His eyes flickered to her shoulder. A faded scar rested there, revealed by her tank top. “That where you got shot? After Peggy’s funeral?”

Sharon’s brown eyes moved to the scar before she nodded. “Yep.” She gestured with one hand to her opposite arm. A long, thin scar slid down the entire limb. Steve recognized a knife scar easily enough. “Got this from Rumlow in the Triskelion.” Sharon raised a brow at him. “I’m sure you’ve got your own scars.”

“You’d think the serum would keep me from scarring. If anything, I heal so fast that I scar easier.” Steve didn’t move to show any of his scars. The most recognizable ones were on his chest, where he’d been shot and stabbed by Bucky.

And those were scabs he did not want to pick at. Not today, at least.

Sharon understood that easily enough. Steve was still surprised how good Sharon was at reading him. She’d observed him long enough while she’d been playing Kate, but she’d slid into his life easily enough, as someone that he didn’t have to explain how he was feeling; so far, she’d proven more than adept at simply realizing how he felt. It was nice to not have someone pushing him to talk.

Then again, she did believe in _forcing_ him to talk every now and again. No wonder Sam and Sharon had struck up a friendship of their own. Knowing Steve’s luck, they’d bond with Bucky over watching his ass.

“So, what’s on your mind?” Sharon asked. Speak of the devil and she would try to get you to talk, Steve supposed. She raised a brow at him. “C’mon, Rogers. You know I’m not going to let it go without an answer.”

Steve gave a frustrated sigh, looking to the ceiling. “Why do I surround myself with stubborn people?”

“Because we’re the only ones that can handle you.”

He did crack a smile when she said _we_. “Barton has come down only to see his dog and his brother, and he’s barely speaking to anyone except for Kate and Nat. He’s barely talked to Barney or Mia. Nat is trying to hold us all together. Sam is trying to help with Bucky but Bucky’s also refusing to talk to anyone except Mia and the other doctor. And I don’t know what we’re going to do next, Sharon, I really don’t, because Coulson made it clear staying here indefinitely is not an option.”

Sharon sighed, crossing her arms against her chest as she looked at him. He tossed her the wrap to tie her own hands together, and she took it easily, wrapping carefully. “What can you do?” Sharon asked after a moment, looking back at him.

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

“Better question might be what do you want? Go from there and figure out the next step?”

Steve gave a sad smile. “When has that ever mattered?”

Sharon finished tying her hands before tossing the wraps to the side. “For right now, you can spar with me. I know Coulson said that if we want to stay, we have to help, but I can see if he’s willing to take me analyzing a few files as payment. Mia would be willing to do the same.”

He shook his firmly. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not. I’m offering, and I’m sure Mia will be in on it too.” She raised a brow at him before pointing out, “You’re not in this alone, Steve.”

“No, I’m just keeping people from moving on with their lives,” Steve argued, looking back at her. “I know you have Stark’s job offer waiting for you. This is what’s keeping you from it.”

“And Tony will understand,” Sharon promised. “The job is mine. I can start whenever I want. Tony knows I’ll kick ass, and he knows how important this is. He’s not looking to fill a position. He’s looking to bring in people he trusts.”

“That doesn’t mean you’re not putting your life on hold because of this,” Steve pointed out.

“So are you,” Sharon deadpanned.

He ignored her comment. That was a can of worms he was not going into today. “Did you know about this?” Steve asked quietly, gesturing. “About SHIELD being resurrected? About Coulson?”

Sharon’s brown eyes flickered back up to him. “That it was Coulson? No,” she replied simply. “The Triskelion wasn’t the only SHIELD base. Every base would have fought back hard. Some would have gone better than others. Coulson’s team was at the Hub, from what I understand from Trip – and they got out the best of all of them. I knew that some cells survived, but not that Coulson was among them.”

Steve hesitated. “Did any of your friends get out?” he asked quietly, looking back at her. “Those that weren’t at the Triskelion?”

She didn’t answer before moving to get a drink from her water bottle, deliberately taking a few moments more than necessary. “My friend Bobbi hasn’t contacted me since, but she’s who I’m least worried about. Nat told me she’s fine, and she and Clint are closer to Bobbi than I am. Clay was at the Hub and got out alive. So did Woo. Clay has decided to retire to his family’s ranch in Texas at the grand old age of thirty-six, and Jimmy accepted a position at the FBI out in California. I haven’t heard from Kara and I’m not gonna lie, I’m fearing the worst for her. But… I got lucky. I only buried a few friends.”

Steve swallowed before nodding. “I-“

“If you apologize again for the Triskelion, I’m going to punch you in the face and give you a black eye. And then Peggy will rise from her grave and punch you in the face. In the other eye, so you can match.”

Despite himself, he chuckled. Steve paused before looking back at her. “Do you mind if I ask you a potentially classified question?”

The blonde raised a brow at him as she moved back onto the mat. “The organization that classified it is burnt to the ground for the most part. It’s not classified anymore.”

“True,” Steve conceded before looking back at her. He kept his eyes on her face, on her eyes. “Were you there?” he wondered, glancing back at her. “On the Helicarrier, during Loki’s attack?”

Sharon shook her head. “No. I was…” Her eyes narrowed, and there was a moment of hesitation. “I was guarding Doctor Jane Foster and Darcy Lewis. Loki took Selvig, probably partly because he mentioned Thor. The second that Selvig went AWOL, Fury ordered Foster taken off the grid so keep her from being used against Thor.” She looked back over before saying, “We took her to an off the grid lab that she loved. Didn’t realize anything was wrong until her intern broke through the internet block and found the live feeds to New York.”

It made sense, but surprised Steve all the same. If Sharon had been trusted enough to watch someone who was arguably Thor’s biggest weakness on Earth, that meant that Fury held her in high regard. Enough to later put her in charge of Steve’s own security and not tell him about her.

Steve scoffed slightly and ignored the thought. He’d noticed her momentary hesitation. “Still keeping secrets?” There was a bitterness to his voice that annoyed even him. It was clear it annoyed Sharon from the look she shot him. “Sorry.”

“It’s not something easy to turn off. You spend your entire adult life keeping and finding secrets, it’s hard to accept that you can talk about it,” Sharon admitted, sighing as she moved carefully to her feet. “I’m trying, Steve.”

There was something behind those two words, a quiet plea. Steve knew that they were friends. They’d never said it out loud, but they’d been kidnapped together. She’d dropped everything and crossed the globe to help him with Bucky. Sharon Carter was a true friend, and Steve knew that. He tried hard to be one to her too.

But no matter how much they might want to deny it, there was very little doubt that they were both awful about opening up to each other. And there still existed the fact that he had broken down in front of her – and she was the first person he’d cried in front of in this century.

They both knew it. And Steve both knew that they were trying hard to be open with each other.

“I know you are.” Steve also knew that it was going to take time for Sharon to turn off being a full-time agent and operative. It would take him time to learn how to open up and be vulnerable. “Me too.”

Sharon shot him a look, nodding briskly before sighing. “C’mon, Rogers. Let’s spar.”

It wasn’t as graceful a conversation change as she could probably manage, but he wasn’t about to protest it. They’d had enough of emotions for now, both of them. Steve nodded, gesturing towards her. “Whenever you’re-“

He didn’t get a chance to finish the sentence before she moved. Her foot slammed against his shoulder, sending him stumbling back. He was genuinely surprised by how fast she was, and how she had immediately gone in for an aggressive move. She fought to win, and Steve was sharply reminded of Peggy in that one moment – except Sharon’s form was more refined rather than the learn-on-the-spot style Peggy always had.

Steve still suspected that Sharon would still use a chair in a weapon with a fight. Combat pragmatists always did.

The super soldier grinned as he rolled with the blow, kicking out with his legs to try and knock her down. She managed to flip over it, landing back on her feet and moving back to put some space between them. She wasn’t breathing heavily yet, and the smile she had on her face was somewhere between a taunt and a tease.

“Now you’re just showing off,” Steve laughed, circling along with her, watching her carefully. “Nice flip though. Reminds me of Natasha.”

“We both learned it from May, so it makes sense.” Sharon smirked back at him. “Can’t catch up?”

“Please.” He was the one who made a move a moment later, trying to grab her arm to throw him over.

She rolled with it, slamming an elbow into his gut. He grunted slightly, but grabbed the arm and pulled it back. Sharon went with the movement, flipping slightly within his grasp. One leg went between his legs and kicked at an ankle.

Sharon was good. That much was clear. And Steve slowly found himself getting more into it. When it became clear that her speed made her an exceptional dodger in combat, he went a bit harder, managing to get her with a kick that sent her down.

She flipped back to her feet easily enough, in a move Steve knew that Natasha must have taught her in the way that she taught him. Sharon moved a moment later before tackling him from the side, her elbow and shoulder slamming into him.

Even his enhanced balance wasn’t enough to keep himself from being knocked down with it. Sharon had reversed her position, rolling across his chest. She was now facing him, and went down with him when she couldn’t regain her balance quick enough. He grunted when his back hit the ground.

Sharon yelped when she landed on top of him. A moment later, her elbow was against his Adam’s apple, and she smirked down at him. And then she seemed to remember that she was on top of him, at the same moment Steve realized that he had never been this close to her other than that hug on the plane back to the States days earlier.

For a moment, the two laid there, Sharon on top of him, her elbow angle towards his throat and her legs straddling his hips. His one hand rested on her hip, and he blinked slightly as he looked back up at her. For a moment, he opened his mouth to say something. No words came out. She didn’t say anything either, instead looking openly surprised.

It another moment that lasted a second too long, like when she’d watched him go down the secret tunnel in the HYDRA gulag. When she’d hugged him while he broke down. When they had shared a drink at Peggy’s funeral, joined in their grief, the look they’d held during Peggy’s funeral.

For the briefest second, it was a moment of _what could be_.

That was when the alarms sounded and whatever moment they might have had died.

Sharon rolled to her feet within an instant, her eyes wide. Steve was standing in seconds as well, his eyes as he looked back over towards her. This was not good. Whatever was happening, this was not good. Sharon was already tearing the bandages from her hands, hurrying to the gun that she constantly carried about this base.

“Get to Buck, make sure he’s safe!” Steve barked, hurrying to the side of the room. Torn bandages littered the floor behind him. He picked up the shield before adding, “You use your judgement, if it comes to that. You get Buck, you run, you get the hell out of here! Go!”

“Steve-“ Sharon protested, shooting him a wide eyed-look.

“Sharon,” Steve interrupted, looking back at her. “Please. You’re one of the only people I trust with him.”

Shraon hesitated before nodding. “Got it, Cap.” She hesitated before saying, “Stay safe.” The look on her face was that same one in the gulag, the one that wanted to say so much but couldn’t.

His face softened. “You too, 13.” Steve moved to the doorway a moment later, prepared to bolt to wherever the trouble was centered. He had to find the others. He had to figure out what was going on. Natasha and Coulson would know what the plan was, and he had to support that, protect the people here who needed protection.

If this was HYDRA, Steve had to prepare for yet another fight to the death with even more at risk. HYDRA would not touch another one of his friends.

He didn’t make it out of the room before an unexpected but incredibly familiar voice came over the intercom of the entire base. It was about the last voice Steve would have expected to come after an intruder alarm. Steve nearly dropped the shield out of both relief and annoyance before he turned back to Sharon.

Sharon’s jaw dropped as she recognized the voice. “You’re fucking kidding me,” Sharon muttered, sitting back onto the bench and groaning. “I’m gonna kill him.”

The voice on the intercom continued and echoed around them. “Coulson, I swear to god, you let us in, I’m leaving behind an infant for hours and I promised Pepper I would hit you before I came home. Let us in! I will blow a hole in your stupid base!”

“I’m gong to fucking kill him,” Sharon repeated, “I am going to kill him. He just knocked a decade off my life.”

Steve groaned as he took a deep breath, still holding the shield. “Go make sure everyone knows this isn’t an emergency,” he ordered. Though Tony’s yelling would have been recognizable enough to anyone in this damned base. “I’ll… I’ll deal with him.”

“I’ll check on Barnes. Make sure he knows that this is okay, that it’s a friend.” She paused before looking at Steve and asking, “If I paid you to punch Stark, would you?”

“You don’t have to pay me to do it.” Steve jogged out of the room. He’d memorized the layout of the compound at that point and knew approximately where everything was. The only way inside was from the hangar, especially if Tony had come with others. Considering he’d been yelling for Coulson to let _us_ in, he assumed Tony had come with a few others.

Steve passed the medical bay on the way to the hangar. Bucky was now staying in one of the basement rooms that served as prisoner holds, though there was no lockdowns or barrier in the room. But it was quiet, isolated enough, and it was on the opposite end of the hangar. Sharon would most likely be on the way there to assure him that it was safe.

Standing in the doorway of the medical lab, was an alarmed looking Sam. He sighed in relief when he saw that Sam looked fine. Even knowing that Stark wasn’t a danger to any of them, seeing his friends unharmed was a relief that Steve could never voice aloud.

“We good?” Sam called when he saw Steve passing. Mia poked her head out of the medical bay, and he caught a glimpse of Doctor Simmons and Clint’s brother. Barney had a gun in his hand, and was sticking close to Mia. “Just Stark, right?”

“We’re good!” Steve promised, calling back before saying, “It’s him. Coulson’s in more trouble than any of us are.”

“Good. I hope Stark punches him with the suit on,” Steve heard Barney mutter. He also heard the dull thud of Mia slapping his arm, followed by the sound of Barney and Mia bickering with each other, Sam playing the peacemaker. Steve ignored it and hurried along.

At the double-set door that lead to the hangar, Natasha was already waiting. She looked half annoyed herself, and considering her tank top and leggings, it looked like her own workout ritual had been interrupted.

“I knew he would come, but I though he would at least warn us,” Natasha admitted, giving a long-suffering sigh as she shook her head. She tossed a water bottle at Steve. The super soldier shot her a grateful look as she continued, “Or at least text me. You know, like a normal person.”

He'd already downed half the water bottle. “Do we know who’s all here?” Steve asked as he sighed and looked back at her. “He said us.”

“Can’t tell. Tony, obviously. From what he was ranting over the speakers, Pepper didn’t come,” the redhead explained, turning her head to the door. “There’s two cars though, so there’s more in there, I’m sure. I’m guessing Thor at least, I know he and Stark have been in contact. It’s reunion time, apparently.”

“Great time for it.” Clint stepped on the other side of Steve, and sighed in exhaustion as he looked back over towards Nat and Steve. Neither let any indication of their surprise that he’d come up on their faces.

Steve did, however, raise a brow at Clint. The silent question of whether he was ready for this would be easily enough read. Natasha shot him a look of warning, but Clint merely met Steve’s eyes steadily and nodded briskly. For a brief moment, Steve was sharply reminded of meeting Barton for the first time, after he’d been freed from Loki’s mind control. The look on his face had been the same then. Steve took it as confirmation and turned his attention to the opening doors. He followed Natasha, Clint alongside them both.

“You don’t think Banner’s with them, do you?” Steve asked after a moment, realizing that it was entirely possible.

“It would make sense,” Clint pointed out. He crossed his arms against his chest as a large black car came in through the tunnel entrance, heading right towards them. “Tony’s the only one who knew where he was. I’m sure Thor’s here, Coulson… kinda died in front of him.”

“I hope he is. We need to have a full Avengers meeting, and none of us are leaving this base until Barnes is taken care of,” Natasha added. She raised a brow before saying, “Makes more sense to bring it here since we’re not going anywhere.”

It did make sense. Steve sighed, mentally preparing himself for this discussion. He knew that the Avengers were needed. On some level, he’d known it since he woke up in the hospital after SHIELD’s fall. The world was dangerous. HYDRA was bolder now, with no one to stop them.

With SHIELD barely alive, Steve knew that the Avengers might be the only group capable of standing in their way.

“Is this the first time we’ve been together since New York?” Natasha wondered briefly as the car parked near them. “I mean the six of us. Is this the first time?”

Steve frowned deeply as he tried to think. “Thor’s wedding?” he asked. “Back in December?”

“Nat and I didn’t go, we were… kinda busy.” Also known as Clint hadn’t been ready for full New York social interactions just yet. And it had been just after they’d found out about Loki’s death through a conversation with Thor; Clint had been a mess in the aftermath out of relief. Steve knew better than to push. “We sent a present.”

Natasha frowned deeply. “So… this is the first time we’ve all been together since New York. There’s been combinations. The three of us, Stark and me and Steve at Peggy Carter’s funeral, Stark and Banner, Stark and Thor…”

“Thor visited me in DC, last spring,” Steve mentioned. But Stark had been involved in most of those meetings. It wasn’t a surprise that he would be the one that might push the Avengers to reassemble the most.

“I talked to Thor over the phone a few months back, but that was it,” Natasha said, glancing at Clint before saying, “He said he hoped that the search for you was going well.”

Clint snorted. “Just took a few more months, I guess.”

The front door of the first car opened, and Tony slammed the door behind him, dropping his sunglasses on the seat before he did so. “Where is he?” he demanded, clearly unhappy. “I want to hit him first before we all talk. He made Pepper cry, and that made Morgan cry, and there’s enough crying in all of our lives with a baby right now.”

“Hello to you, Tony,” Clint deadpanned, sighing as he looked back over at the others.

“Oh, hi, Clint.” Tony stepped forward and looked him over before saying, “Glad to see you’re alive. And not brainwashed again.”

“That makes a lot of us, then.” Clint’s voice was deceptively light.

Thor exited the first car from the passenger’s seat. The Asgardian looked cheerful, his long hair tied back in a ponytail. Perhaps the strangest part was seeing Thor in a simple t-shirt and jeans, sneakers on his feet and a dark sweatshirt half zipped up. It was a far cry from his battle armor, but it did help him blend in far easier. As much as a giant of a man with the personality of Thor’s could, at least. Though Steve had a suspicion about the umbrella Thor carried.

“It is good to see you again, my friends,” Thor mentioned, an easy smile on his face as he patted the super soldier’s shoulder. That was before he pulled Steve into a surprisingly tight hug. “You’re well?”

“As I can be.” Steve patted his back, looking back at him. “It’s good to see you. Glad you were able to stay out of everything that happened.”

Thor sighed. “I wish I could have been of help after HYDRA’s resurgence, but Jane was still pregnant and we did not wish to risk here safety. Nor that of our family back in London. We ended up going to Asgard for her own safety; we returned last month.”

“I’ll need to see new pictures, by the way,” Natasha mentioned, stepping forward and surprisingly accepting the hug that Thor gave her, kissing him on the cheek quickly. “Jane’s sent me a few. Erik’s getting big already.”

Thor already had his phone out when Steve looked to the other new arrivals. The back doors of the car had opened, and Bruce came out, followed by two people holding hands that Steve did not recognize. Steve nodded at Banner first, offering his hand. “Doctor Banner. It’s good to see you again.”

“Good to see you, Cap. I’m the Tony handler right now,” Bruce explained, looking almost sheepish. He glanced around, shuffling slightly. “Pepper wanted to come, but, well… she just had her baby.”

“That reminds me.” Tony scowled. “Where is the son of a bitch? I heard that you punched him, Barton. I’m gonna try and get a recording of it, watching it will make Pepper feel better.”

Clint scoffed. “I punched him twice,” he corrected. “It was great both times.”

Tony laughed, patting Clint’s arm. “That’s my man.” He nodded at Natasha, looking genuinely surprised when she moved over and squeezed his shoulder. “Nice to see you, Romanoff. Pepper says hi. And that you need to come up and meet Morgan.”

“As soon as this all is figured out,” Natasha promised, giving a genuine smile as she moved away from looking at Thor’s phone and the pictures of his son. “She’s sent me some photos too. Morgan’s absolutely beautiful, Tony.” She looked back at the man Steve didn’t recognize, and her grin widened. “Hey, stranger.”

The man laughed before stepping forward and accepting a casual hug. “Hey there, Miss Rushman. Long time no see.”

“Stop it.” Natasha smirked before looking back before saying, “Is this the infamous Doctor Washington? The fabled woman who can even make Tony Stark go to therapy? We only heard legends of you back in SHIELD.”

The woman gave a cheerful and professional smile before offering hand. “I can’t confirm or deny that, though I’ve heard plenty about you. All good things, I promise.”

Steve recognized the man a second before Natasha introduced him verbally. “Clint, Steve, meet Colonel James Rhodes of the United States Air Force, and Doctor Matilda Washington, his wife and one of the best psychologists in the western hemisphere. He’s also known as the Iron Patriot.”

“Mattie, please,” she interrupted, letting go of Rhodes’ hand and shaking Steve’s hand firmly. “It’s an honor to meet you. And they went back to War Machine, actually. We’re all thrilled, especially Jim and our eleven-year-old son,” Doctor Rhodes explained, smirking teasingly at her husband as she put a hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah, because War Machine is a better name than Iron Patriot,” Rhodes complained. He held out a hand to Steve. “It’s great to finally meet you.”

“Colonel.” Steve shook his hand, and then held a salute. Rhodes was a higher rank than he was, after all, and he would not deny him that respect. Even if it did make Tony look like Christmas had come early. “Pleasure to meet you.”

“I brought them because I was hoping we can let Mattie take a crack at Barnes,” Tony admitted. Steve shot him a surprised look before saying, “Nat said that most of the physical damage was long done and healing. The mental damage he’s gonna have? That’s gonna need a doctor that specializes in that.”

Steve couldn’t deny that, but he hated the idea of sending a civilian doctor into that room. It was clear that the others could tell from the look on their face.

“That’s why we’re all here,” Bruce said, his hands in his pockets. “To make sure this goes smoothly and to make sure everyone’s on the same page.”

The super soldier looked back at Mattie before saying, “You read the file?”

“I did. And I think he desperately needs something to sort through his trauma.” Mattie shot him a dead serious look before adding, “I’m not promising anything, but I do want to try. But only if he’s open to it as well.”

“Think that’s all I can ask, ma’am,” Steve mentioned, looking at the others before sighing and saying, “We should all sit down and talk though. Not out here.” There were too many listening ears around them, though Steve knew that privacy would not an option anywhere in the base.

Natasha gestured towards the doorway into the base before saying, “There’s a conference room. We can take over there. I’m sure Coulson will join us eventually.”

“Goody,” Tony muttered. “He’ll probably eavesdrop before we get there though.”

The group made their way through the base, Natasha at the forefront. She’d surprisingly drawn Bruce into a discussion, along with Rhodey and Mattie. Thor was looking at Clint every few seconds, and the archer was pointedly avoiding the looks. That left Tony and Steve, and that gave Steve the chance to ask the question that still surprised him.

Steve raised an eyebrow at Tony. “You brought a therapist?” He wasn’t sure which part was more surprising, the fact that Tony brought a therapist, or that  _Tony_  brought a therapist.

Tony shrugged lightly. “Hey, I’ve been in therapy for like… over a year now. At least a year. Been in it since after what happened with AIM. Pepper thought it was a good idea. Hasn’t been a bad idea yet, at least. Just so happens my best friend’s wife is the only one who works with me.”

“Maybe she’ll be able to help him,” Steve said simply.

“That’s why we brought her,” Tony replied. “If she can handle me, she can handle an amnesiac brainwashed ex-assassin. Not like we can just take him to a normal practice anyway.”

Steve sighed before saying, “I appreciate it though. I really do.”

Tony shrugged. “Guy didn’t deserve what he went through. Might as well help as much as I can, you know? Stick it to HYDRA for killing my parents too.”

For a moment, Steve couldn’t breathe. He knew that right now was not the right time to go into the truths that he knew about. They could not talk about this now. Not when everything was so precariously balanced, not when Bucky needed that help.

It was a truth meant for another day. That was what they had to do for right now. Steve forced himself to think that keeping this secret was the right thing. There wasn’t another choice.

“How is Pepper?” Steve asked, looking back at Tony. That was a safer question. “She’s doing okay? And Morgan?”

An immediate change came over the billionaire, one that surprised him. “Yeah, she’s good,” Tony replied. He reached into his pocket. “I said I wasn’t gonna be that type of dad, but screw it, I’m gonna be that type of dad.” He handed his phone to Steve, trying very hard to be casual and failing.

Steve looked down at the picture, grinning when he saw a picture of a dark-haired infant on an Iron Man blanket, a red bow in her surprisingly thick hair and a smile that reminded the super soldier sharply of her grandfather and father. “She’s adorable,” he mentioned, glancing back. “How old is she now?”

“A few weeks,” Tony replied, grinning as he took the phone back, slipping it back into his pocket. “Took after me with the hair, but I’m hoping the personality comes from Pepper. Potts genes got to be stronger than Stark somewhere, right?”

“Being a Stark might not be the worst thing,” Steve pointed out simply.

Tony didn’t reply but shot him a surprised look. Maybe they had come a long way from New York. Steve knew damned well that trials by fire built the strongest bonds. They had made it to the conference room at that point. Coulson was in fact waiting, looking at least somewhat sheepish, even if he was trying to hide it.

“Coulson,” Tony said, his voice hard. “We need to talk.”

“That we do.” Coulson gestured to the room. “Please, come in. If you want to punch me, you can do it after the meeting.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I am. Brucey, I’ll have you video tape it.”

“I’ll stay out of it, thanks.”

“Actually,” Thor mentioned, pausing outside the room. “I… I wish to speak with Agent Barton. Alone.”

That brought most of them to attention. Natasha looked back sharply, her eyes narrowing slightly at Thor, the defensive attitude clear on her. Steve raised a brow, a bit surprised but not shock. He had a damned good feeling in regards to what Thor wanted to talk to Clint about, and he knew that no one had a right to listen in to it.

Natasha’s mouth opened, but Clint stepped forward, squeezing her hand. She looked at him sharply, green eyes still narrowed. A silent conversation shot between them that honestly impressed Steve, and Natasha gave a frustrated sigh before backing up.

Clint swallowed heavily before looking back at Thor. “Okay,” he said. Steve was surprised, but Natasha looked more so. “Guys, we’ll meet you in the conference room. Stark, don’t punch Coulson until I come back, I want to watch it.”

“I pinky promise, Barton.” Tony was the first one in the room, followed by the Rhodeses.

Natasha shot Thor another clear warning look before going in. Steve was the only one who hesitated for a brief second before looking between them both. A clear warning not to fight was in his eyes before he moved into the room and closed the door behind him.

It took about five seconds after the door closed for an argument to start, Stark’s voice clearly heard. If Clint had been a betting man, he would have said that he was doing it on purpose to give him and Thor some cover.

He had nothing against Thor, personally. But it was hard to think or talk to the man without remembering what his brother had done to him. It was hard to look at Thor and not remember those three days stuck in a cold spell, with no way out and the promise of what he would do to the woman he loved if he got near him.

Thor’s first words honestly surprised him. “I am so sorry.”

Clint froze.

Of all the things he’d expected that was not it.

Thor’s face was serious as he said, “My brother was killed in the battles against the Dark Elves. I… I do not know if you were aware or not. It was nearly a year ago.”

He had known. Natasha had told him not long after Thor showed up in London. She’d sat him down and explained what Thor had reported, that Loki had died on an alien planet trying to save the universe, that he was really gone for good that time, that there had been a body that Thor sent off Asgard set aflame and heading for the abyss he’d fallen down once.

“Natasha told me.” He hadn’t gone to Thor’s wedding because he knew he could not handle seeing him when he knew that Loki was so recently dead.

Thor swallowed before saying, “I am truly sorry for what you suffered at his hand. I… I saw how Selvig reacted to it. And I know that sorry does not change it. But I am sorry for his actions.”

“You’re not the one who brainwashed me.” Clint was surprised how calm he was.

“He was my brother. And I should have stopped him.” Thor looked away before saying, “I could tell you that he died with honor. That he was sorry. But I can’t. Because I know it does not change what he did. But know that I am sorry. And I will do everything in my power to make up for what those of Asgard have done to you since then, Agent Barton.”

Clint didn’t reply. “Can’t say I’m sorry for him being dead,” he said, his voice brisk. He couldn’t meet Thor’s eyes, but he knew how damned hard this was for him. “But as someone who has a brother… I’m sorry for you. For your loss with her and your mom. I know if I lost someone else...”

He’d lost so much that he was eager to hold onto those he had left. Nat and Kate, Lucky, Barney and Laura and the kids. Hell, even Coulson, even if he was too angry to look at him right now.

Thor nodded. “Thank you,” he said simply. “I hope that knowing Loki is gone gives you peace.”

It did. And Thor sounded so god damned sincere that it was almost heartbreaking. But he wouldn’t say that out loud.

Clint swallowed before looking back at him. “I owe you an apology.” Thor looked surprised before Clint admitting, “I’ve been painting you and Loki with the same brush. I know that I shouldn’t. But… but I’m sorry. For not going to the wedding because I thought it would be inappropriate to be as happy as I was that he was dead. For not being to help as much as I could.”

Thor swallowed. “And I am sorry for what my brother did to you.” He offered his hand before saying, “How would a fresh start for both of us be?”

The archer took his hand immediately and squeezed it. “Since I have a feeling the Avengers are coming back together, it would be a very good idea.”

The Asgardian nodded, clearly relieved. “Selvig has spoken incredibly highly of you. He said he believed that you attempted to protect him while under Loki’s spell.”

“I did.” He’d only had so much willpower, and he’d done it while sabotaging the god every step of the way. “Had to do something, right?”

“I believe something is sometimes all you can do.” The voices in the conference room were getting louder, and Thor gave a dry smile. “Shall we?”

It was at that exact moment that Clint heard what sounded clearly like a punch. “We shall. I think we’re missing the fun.” He winced as he heard something that sounded like glass break. “Well, something, at least.”

Maybe, just maybe, Clint thought, this reassembling the Avengers thing could work.

 

* * *

 

It was second nature that made him examine and dissect the doctor in front of him.

He didn’t know if it was by design or not, but the only doctors who’d been examining him were women. Jemma, of course, was still monitoring the serum and of course, was slowly becoming one of the few people who could reach him, arguably even more than Steve could, though Bucky was fairly sure it was because he was sure that Simmons would lose a fight to a kitten and that was why he didn’t feel afraid around her. Stiles was still the medical doctor, who kept an eye on his health, and now the doctor who apparently was going to try to help his mental health.

Poor woman.

After the Avengers' dramatic entry, Steve had approached him with a man that looked so much like Howard there was no way he wasn't related, and a pretty older woman. They'd explained that she was a doctor for mental trauma, and if he wanted to talk to her, she was there.

He'd taken up on it quickly, to their surprise. He wasn't going to lose anything by talking. If he wanted to stop, he could. And at least they couldn't say that he wasn't cooperating with them.

“I’m Tony’s therapist,” Mattie explained, shrugging as she looked back over at him. “The man that was with me and Steve. He’s Howard’s son.”

The guy was Howard fucking Stark's son. Yeah, that explained a lot.

“He anything like his dad?” he asked out of genuine curiosity.

The psychologist scoffed slightly. “From what my husband tells me, more than he would like to admit. Jim says he has a lot more of his mom in him than he thinks. He’s been my husband’s best friend long before I met my husband.”

“And what’s that like?”

Technically, he knew that he should be answering the questions. But the woman in front of him was taking it in stride. It was a tactic, that much was clear, but Bucky was willing to push it as far as he could.

Mattie leaned back before saying, “A mess, sometimes. But when I met Jim, I knew that it meant that I was accepting Tony into my life too. There’s a saying, you don’t just marry the man, you marry his family. Jim’s parents are the most laid back people. Except with bingo.” She smiled. “Tony was included in that package. I knew what I was signing up for.”

Bucky nodded slowly before looking back at him. “And what made you volunteer to talk to me?”

The doctor paused before looking back at him, placing her clipboard on the table next to her. “Curiosity in some parts, I’ll admit. But mostly you might need it. And when I graduated from my PhD program, I promised I would help anyone I could in my life, and offer it to whoever might need it.” 

He nodded slowly before adding, “Can they hear us?”

“No.” The answer was firm and hard and he was taken by surprise. “That was one of my rules. You get the same doctor-patient confidentiality as anyone there. There’s a video monitor angled away from our mouths to keep from lip reading. The only people watching it are Jim, Tony, and Steve. The others are scattered around the base.”

“Why?” The question came out before he could stop it.

“Why what?” Mattie pressed.

“Why the hell are you all treating me like I’m human?” It came out before he could stop it, and he swallowed, eyes flickering away.

“Because you are, James.” Mattie’s voice was surprisingly gentle. For a moment, Bucky was brought back to a woman with a gentle smile and hands worn with sewing pinpricks. It was a motherly tone. “You don’t think you deserve that basic respect?”

“I haven’t gotten it for a very long time.”

“Hence why we are now trying very, very hard to make sure you do.”

Bucky scoffed slightly before looking down at his metal hand. It curled into a fist and whined softly. “I think I forgot I was,” he admitted, his voice quiet. “Steve… he refused to leave me in that gulag. Again. He refused to leave me again and he nearly died.”

“People care about you. Is that a surprise?”

“Yes.” Even if they cared about him because of Steve. Sam had made a point of checking on him, even if it was only to snark with him. Bucky wouldn’t lie and say it wasn’t amusing. Carter had checked on him. Natalia had pointedly ignored him, but he was not letting her leave without discussing everything.

Bucky took another deep breath. He was doing that a lot lately. “I don’t know who I am. I know who they say I am. I hear the stories. I remember some things. But… but it’s disconnected. Like I didn’t happen to me.”

Mattie sighed as she looked back at him. “What HYDRA did to you was dehumanize you. That includes your memories. Some of it you might not gain back.”

The fact that she’d said that out loud caused him to look up sharply. Steve had said that they couldn’t go back, but they could start over. He hadn’t believed him completely, not at the time. But maybe Steve had been telling the truth.

“So what do I do then?” Bucky asked. “Stay here and do nothing?”

“Absolutely not.” Mattie sipped at her water before saying, “You have a choice, James. You can do what you want right now. What do you want?”

“I don’t know.” Bucky took a deep breath before saying, “I went on the run after the Triskelion because I knew I’d be hunted. Because I wanted to go after them to stop them from hurting people.” From hurting Steve again. From going after more people.

“And that was your choice. No one can take that away from you.” Mattie raised an eyebrow. “Your choices don’t have to be big. Make small ones to start. French toast for breakfast over bagels. One t-shirt over another. Small steps are important.”

Bucky nodded, taking a deep breath before saying, “I do want to keep talking to you. But I know you’re not around here.”

“Skype is a thing, James.” Mattie gave him an encouraging smile. “And I have one of the most technically minded people of all time as my older daughter’s godfather. He can make sure a connection is secure.”

That was a relief. There was a genuineness to this doctor. There was a genuine kindness to all three doctors here, and Bucky knew that was the only damned reason that he was letting them help him. Mattie, the psychologist. Mia, the physician. Jemma, the biochemist.

Jemma was the favorite. If only because she’d forgotten about his metal arm twice now.

His metal hand slowly relaxed on his lap as he said, “I know that staying here forever isn’t an option. But what they’re doing… they’ll be in the spotlight. They’ll be targets. I don’t know if I can handle that.”

He needed time to figure out what he wanted. He needed time to remember who he was, and if he couldn’t, Bucky needed time to figure out who he wanted to be.

“So you know what you don’t want. That’s important too, James,” Mattie pointed out. “What about what you do want?”

“…to make sure that no one else suffers like I did again.” Bucky swallowed heavily before looking back at her, his eyes widening slightly when he realized it.

He wanted to get better. He hadn't been lying to Steve. But he wanted to get better, he wanted to stop HYDRA from hurting other people, and he wanted to protect Steve from the shadows while the Avengers reassembled.

He wanted to live.

With a jolt that felt like lightning, he realized that for the first time in so long, with the freedom to choose in front of him, without the threat of HYDRA right on his heels, he knew what he wanted to do.

He just had to convince a few people of it.

* * *

 

 

He gave it three days to think it over.

For those three days, Bucky observed absolutely everything. He observed the people around him. Mack the mechanic, working on the cars in the garage and occasionally chatting with Steve about motorcycles. May, who had an undeniable air of danger who was right around the same category of Steve and Natasha in terms of danger levels. Jemma, who seemed inexplicably incapable of remembering that he was a dangerous weapon and had given him a book called Harry Potter of all things.

Of the Avengers, planning and arguing and trying to figure out what to do. They were going to light with their own battles. Bucky could not handle that. He knew that it wasn’t an option. He had too many ghosts, too many demons. And he had to deal with them before he could go to that light as well.

The people here treated him like he was human. So did the Avengers. But he was not ready to go with them.

He wasn’t ready to be back at Steve’s side, because Steve deserved better. And Bucky was not better, not yet, not completely. The Avengers, he had built a team with them. And while Bucky did not know them, he knew Steve trusted them. That was enough for now.

In the evening of the third day, Bucky slipped away from his room and found his way to the Director’s office. He opened it after knocking once, his footsteps as silent as always.

Coulson was eating a burger at his desk. He paused, burger halfway to his mouth when he saw Bucky come in, slowly lowering the burger. Bucky raised his chin before looking back over.                                                                                                                     

“Sergeant Barnes?” He recovered quickly. “Come in.”

Bucky was silent as he closed the door behind him. His heart pounded in his ears. He wanted this. He had to do something. He could not hide and do nothing while the people who had done this to him were still out there.

He remembered the girl that they had mentioned. He remembered that. That fear for and outright near worship of handlers. Bucky had no damned idea how willing that girl was in HYDRA, but he knew damned well she was a threat either way.

And SHIELD had no idea what HYDRA was still capable of. The Avengers didn’t know.

Bucky, however, did know.

“I wanted to talk,” Bucky said, his voice low. “Do you have a minute?”

“Of course.” Coulson gestured at the seat in front of his desk and put his burger down. “Please, sit. If you want.”

The ex-assassin did in fact sit, watching Coulson carefully the entire time. The two sat in silence for a few moments. To his credit, Coulson had regained his stoic Director face. He was going to need to get better at that if he wanted to survive this role.

Though he hoped dearly he was going to be attempting to kill another Director any time soon.

Bucky took a deep breath before saying, “You’re taking the fight to HYDRA in the shadows?”

That was what he gathered. The Avengers had all but decided that reassembling as a team back in New York was the only option. Carter would be going with them. As would Bishop. Wilson and Stiles had both decided to stay in DC to continue their own positions, but remain as allies. The older Barton would be returning to Iowa.

And that left Bucky, caught in the middle, but ready to choose his own fate.

Coulson watched him. “SHIELD is currently confined to the shadows. We’ve been disavowed by every allied intelligence agency. We’re taking the fight to HYDRA in ways the Avengers can’t. Behind the scenes. They’re the soldiers. We’re the spies. We intend to work together, but… but we won’t be getting the recognition they will be. They can do things we can’t. This is going to be a team effort.”

That didn’t sound bad at all.

Coulson’s team would be in the shadows. And Bucky knew damned well how to thrive in shadows.

Bucky took a deep breath, looking down at his hands. He’d taken to keeping his hands in gloves, his metal hand covered completely and his other one fingerless. He tugged off the glove on his left hand before looking at the metal.

HYDRA had turned him into a weapon. And Bucky knew exactly what he wanted to do as payback - he wanted to live. And he wanted them to fall.

“Steve’s been better at a straight fight. Always has been.” Bucky lifted his chin before looking back over at the Director. “You’re keeping to the shadows. And that’s where I’ve always been the best, even before HYDRA. Hell, I was HYDRA’s shadow for decades. You’re not gonna get more intel about HYDRA from me. About… about nearly everything. Masters wanted me for his Thunderbolt program. I know Andrea and Otto von Strucker, Thea Schmidt, Baron von Strucker, Werner Reinhardt. The HYDRA I don’t remember the girl Thor talked about, the other plans about it, but… but I think I could be an asset.”

“What are you saying?” Coulson knew damned well what he was saying. But he wanted to hear him say it out loud.

He forced the words out before he lost his nerve. “I want to stay here.”

Bucky took another deep breath, and took the plunge.

“I want to join SHIELD.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky talk. Clint yells. Natasha admits. The war begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope this isn't gonna be a habit, because I'm excited to be going into the fun parts of the universe. Also thank the Avengers: Endgame trailer for beating my butt into gear, because I want to get to that stuff in this universe.
> 
> Endgame. More like End the Suffering.

For a secret intelligence organization, gossip went through SHIELD with the speed of a forest fire. Its public downfall and massive downsizing changed nothing about it.

Which, of course, meant it only took days for the rumors that Sergeant James Barnes, the Winter Soldier himself, had agreed to join SHIELD as an agent and an asset to reach just about everyone on base – including that of the Sergeant’s desperate to protect him best friend.

The first thing Steve Rogers wanted to do when he heard that rumor was to punch someone in the face. Preferably whoever had convinced him that this was a good idea, because Steve knew on some molecular level that it was not a rumor. And he suspected that it was more likely than not the new Director of SHIELD, the one who had in fact told him that Bucky would not be able to stay unless he agreed to be an asset.

Within minutes of hearing it, Steve stormed to Coulson’s office, ignoring every attempt to stop him. No one dared to get in his way, not even Sam or Sharon. Steve noticed out of the corner of his eye that Sam tried to follow; Sharon had grabbed his arm and held him back.

That was probably for the better. Right now, he was livid, and he was not going to let anyone get in his way. He was just glad that Natasha hadn’t found him before he reached the Director’s office.

Steve didn’t bother knocking when he reached Coulson’s office, instead pushing the door open hard enough that one of the hinges cracked. “What the hell are you thinking?” Steve demanded, stepping in and glaring at the Director. “What did you _do_ , Coulson?”

Coulson did not look surprised that he was there. In fact, he almost looked infuriatingly calm, like he had expected him to show up at any moment, Irish temper flaring. “Please, come in, Captain.” Coulson looked at Melinda May, who looked as wary as Steve had seen her several times before. “May, go. I think the Captain and I need to talk.”

“I’m getting tired of you being punched,” May mentioned, giving a long-suffering look at her friend.

“I’m not going to punch him,” Steve said, his voice hard with irritation before looking back at May. “I promise you that. We do need to talk though. I don’t care if you stay or not.”

“Melinda,” Coulson said, his voice a bit lower as he sighed and said, “Go and call Andrew. About that thing we talked about.”

May only nodded, shooting another warning look to Steve before walking out of the room. The door closed behind her, only to slowly move back. Yep, he’d broken the door. Stark would pay for it. Stark usually paid for a lot of things, and besides, Thor already had a laundry list of things Stark was paying for.

Steve shook his head, scoffing before snapping, “You recruited him.”

To his credit, Coulson did not play dumb. “He volunteered.”

“Bullshit, Phil.” Steve scoffed before tugging a hand through his hair and looking back at him. “He just got away from HYDRA, and you want to throw him right into a fight against it?”

“What I want doesn’t matter, Captain. It’s what Sergeant Barnes wants. And he wants to join up with us.” Coulson gave a long suffering sigh before saying, “I know you don’t believe me.”

“The last Director of SHIELD lied to me about a lot, so I think you can understand why I don’t.”

Steve knew in hindsight that Fury had his reasons for keeping his secrets. Coulson was not Fury. But Coulson had taken up a throne that Fury had held for years, and he knew that he could not forget the fact that as different as Coulson seemed from Fury, the latter trusted the former enough to keep an organization alive that Steve wasn’t sure was better off dead.

“Barnes came to me, Captain. He wants to take the fight to HYDRA, the way we are. The way that you can’t. You yourself said that taking him to Stark Tower wasn’t an option.”

“That doesn’t mean that this is the only other one,” Steve protested.

“It does when it’s my choice.”

The super soldier paused at the interruption, at the familiar voice. He turned slowly, his eyes narrowing when he saw Bucky in the doorway of the office. Bucky looked exhausted on some level, but calmer than he’d seen in a long time, his hair carefully tied back and his metal arm covered up to his hand in a long-sleeved shirt.

For a moment, Steve’s mind flashed back to the Stark Expo, so many years ago, of Bucky in his army uniform and himself back to the skinny kid he would always consider himself to be.

He realized then that might be part of his problem. Steve always wondered if he would be able to accept the fact that they’d both changed in numerous ways, and they might never be able to get back to what they were. But god, Steve would have given up anything to make that possible.

“No one forced me into this,” Bucky said, his voice low as he took a step forward, trying to close the door the best he could. “I made the choice. I don’t have anywhere else to go, and they’re taking the fight to HYDRA. That’s why I volunteered, Steve. You can’t help me.”

They were the exact words that Coulson had used. Taking the fight to HYDRA. And Steve had a feeling that it was Coulson repeating Barnes rather than the other way around, because he knew that look on Bucky’s face better than anyone. But that didn’t mean those words didn’t hurt, especially the last part.

Steve couldn’t hide the slight flinch. “Buck-“

The ex-assassin took a deep breath before saying, his voice quiet, “That’s – that’s not what I meant. I’m not saying that you… I just…” He took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling, his shoulders slumping. “You _can’t_ help me, Steve. But that’s not your fault.”

Coulson stood up. “I’m going to give you time some space,” he said. Clearly the man understood that this was going to be a long and hard discussion.

Steve knew that it was a long time coming though. He’d been avoiding it for too long.

Neither soldier looked back at the director as he walked out of the room. He made a valiant attempt at closing the door behind him, leaving the two alone. Steve’s expression was openly exhausted as he studied Bucky. He swallowed heavily when they were left alone in the silence.

This was the first time they’d been alone since that talk on the plane over, after Bucky had nearly killed both himself and Steve in that gulag. It was the first time they’d been alone since Steve’s breakdown about everything.

And he could tell that Bucky was as worried about it as he was.

“Look-“ Bucky’s voice trailed off as he gave a frustrated sigh. “It’s not attacking you when I say that you can’t help me. You can’t. The only person that can help me right now is myself.”

Steve didn’t answer, instead watching him carefully. He was trying hard to remember what everyone had been telling him since they had found Bucky. That this was not the same man he’d grown up with. That he had to remember that things would be different, that it would take time to get used to who they were now. They weren’t the same. They’d both been through too much to be the same.

But god, Steve hated the fact that they had ended up like this, like two strangers more than anything else, as much as Steve wanted to fix things.

Bucky tugged a hand through his hair before pointing out, “You said to me in the gulag that sometimes the best thing we can do is to start over.”

Steve was completely unsurprised when Bucky quoted him, word by word, what he’d said in that gulag, trying desperately to convince Bucky not to set off the bombs. “You decide who you are, Bucky. Not me. Not HYDRA. You do. I didn’t lie to you before, and I’m not lying to you now. You get to decide who you want to be. You can start over.”

The super soldier didn’t respond to his long-time best friend. Instead, he looked back over, and his shoulders slumped.

“I know,” Steve admitted softly. “I still mean that. I just…” He shook his head. “I hate feeling helpless. The two people who knew me before this… are the ones I can’t help.”

Peggy died. Bucky was still struggling to recover from being put through hell. And Steve was still adrift in a new world, even though he knew that a few new lights were on the horizon – the Avengers, Sam, Sharon. He had a chance to make something of himself in this new world.

Bucky swallowed before saying, “Peggy died of old age. She lived a long life, Rogers. And me…” He took a deep breath. “I’m not dead yet. And maybe… maybe this is something I have to do myself.”

“I wasn’t lying when I told you all that,” Steve said, taking a deep breath as he looked back over at him. “But this- is this what you really want?”

The ex-assassin didn’t answer at first. Instead, he looked behind him to the barely closed door and rolled his eyes. He passed Steve and crossed the room seconds later, heading to the cabinet against the farthest wall, something that honestly looked as old as Bucky and Steve were.

“What are you doing?” Steve asked, frowning as he watched Bucky.

“Looking for something.” Bucky moved to the bookshelf, grinning when he pulled out a particularly boring looking book. “There we go.” He opened it up, revealing a hollowed-out center with a bottle of booze on the inside. “We can’t get drunk off it, but it can help.”

“And we deprive Coulson of it?” Steve wondered, unable to help the slight smile crossing his face.

“Exactly.” Bucky pulled two glasses off the shelf, pouring a generous serving for both before passing him one glass. Instead of sitting down at Coulson’s old seat, he sat on the desk, looking back at Steve. “Kill two birds with one stone, right?”

Steve chuckled before looking back up at him. “I… I overreacted. I know that. But I don’t want you forced into something like all of this again. If this is your choice, I support it. But I want to be sure it’s your choice.”

“I get that.” Bucky hesitated before admitting, “There’s a bunch of reasons I want this, Steve. I know I can do things that his agents can’t. And… and HYDRA has some things I want to look into.”

“Such as?”

Bucky sighed. “The girl that Thor mentioned, the one from the _Lerna_. I read the reports Natal- Romanoff wrote after speaking with Foster and her assistant. That girl fought off a half Asgardian like it was nothing, and then jumped off a balcony like it was going down a step. I think she’s enhanced.” He looked back at Steve. “And if it’s not natural…”

A chill shot down Steve’s spine like a bullet, enough that he didn’t even realize that Bucky had almost called Natasha Natalia. “You think she has a serum.”

“HYDRA was obsessed with it, Steve. My memories of the late twentieth century are blurry, but I was either in cryo, in Russia, or a HYDRA base.” He hesitated before saying, “I remember Masters with a little girl, in the mid-nineties. Training that little girl. I remember hearing a little girl scream when I was woken up for a mission.”

Steve felt sick. Zola had done all of that to Bucky, back at Azzano. They had potentially done it to a little girl who didn’t have anyone coming for her, a little girl that was now one of HYDRA’s assets with potentially no idea what she was doing.

And then came the familiar rage. The anger at the fact that HYDRA had gotten away with hurting people for so long.

He really had died for nothing. Steve was determined to make sure that his life was enough to stop HYDRA from hurting others, at least this time.

“You know what I’m gonna do. What are you planning?” Bucky asked after a few minutes. He studied Steve’s face carefully, and Steve briefly wondered if Bucky was as worried about him as he was about him.

He wouldn’t doubt it. Not even decades of brainwashing and assassinations would be able to numb Bucky’s protective instincts.

Steve swallowed, sighing as he looked back at his best friend. “The Avengers are going to take the fight to HYDRA. They’ve been going after people, doing whatever they want. We have to stop it, and we might be the only people who can.”

He hadn’t decided until that moment. On some level, Steve knew that was about his only option if Bucky decided not to come along. But Bucky seemed determined to do this on his own. And while he knew that Coulson would be more than happy to accept him as SHIELD, Steve knew that he couldn’t. Bucky needed space. Bucky needed to figure out who he was as a person before they could truly figure out where their friendship stood.

No matter how much it would kill Steve to wait, Bucky had to do what was best for himself.

Steve shook his head before saying, “I’m going with them. Sharon’s going, finally taking a job with Stark. Sam wants to stick with the VA, and Mia is consulting everywhere, but… I’m going back to the Avengers.”

“And I’m staying with SHIELD.” Every time Bucky said it, he sounded more confident. It was his choice. It was the best choice for him. Steve tried damned hard to be happy about that.

It would take time, for both of them. But for the first time in a long while, Steve was confident that maybe they could find a new path that suited them both. And maybe rebuild their friendship along the way.

Steve looked back at him. “I said to you that we had to start over. And I know… I know I haven’t been good with that promise. But I need you to know that I’m trying here, Buck…” He swallowed when he realized it. “God, I didn’t even ask you if you want to be called that still.”

It was so small. It was so god damned _small_ but Steve had assumed that he would want to be called that still. He’d assumed that something that small wouldn’t matter, but it did.

“You can still call me that.” Bucky sighed before saying. “Just… don’t get surprised if everyone else is calling me James. I don’t mind if you still call me Bucky. But you’re the only one.”

“If you don’t feel comfortable with it-“

“I don’t mind. I promise.” Bucky looked back over at him before pointing out, “We’ll have time to figure things out. Email’s a thing, apparently. Texting. It’ll just take time. No expectations on either of our parts, right?”

“Yeah.” Steve sighed before looking down at his glass. He’d barely drank any of this. Steve held it up before saying simply, “To new beginnings, I guess.”

“New beginnings.” Bucky paused before downing the drink easily and adding, “Punk.”

Steve snorted into his drink before replying, hope in his chest for the first time in forever, “Jerk.”

* * *

 

“So, your office is going to be on a corner. And it’s really nice. Pepper was decorating it as a hobby.”

“Uh huh.”

“And there’s an apartment I already nabbed you, corner apartment with a balcony. We own a share in the building. Clint and Nat are still in that place in Brooklyn, and Bishop found a place in Tribeca…”

“Tony,” Sharon interrupted, raising an eyebrow as she looked over her laptop. “Breathe. I know you’re excited. I’m just… I’m just trying to get my bearings together.”

And there were a lot of bullshit to sift through to get those bearings. She was already dealing with the onboarding paperwork for this position, getting the Avengers back together.

Thor had already left; considering the fact that he now had a life in London with Jane and their son, he’d mentioned that it would at least be a few months until they would be able to return to the States, especially since there was the tricky matter of whether Erik would be considered a British citizen, an American citizen, or nothing at all, considering his birth had been on Asgard. Tony was already hiring very expensive immigration lawyers to figure it out.

Bruce and Tony were both in New York again, in the Tower. Bruce was staying in his own apartment in the Tower out of safety concerns, and Tony and Pepper, of course, were with Morgan in the penthouse. Thor would be in the Tower with them, for Jane and Erik’s safety.

Sharon was just trying to figure out what their first move was. The Avengers coming back together would be news, and that would be a spotlight on them that HYDRA would take advantage of.

They had to be careful. If they weren’t careful, they would be dead, and it was Sharon’s job as head of asset management to make sure that none of their assets ended up dead.

Tony sighed when he looked back at her. They’d been video chatting for at least an hour, trying to discuss things. Well, Sharon had been trying to discuss things. Tony had been distracting her. But to his credit, he seemed to understand that.

The mechanic sighed before admitting, “Yeah. We’re not exactly giving you a lot of time to get those, are we?”

“You know I like to keep busy.” It was mostly to avoid thinking about things she’d rather not, but Sharon knew that Tony was trying.

“Even you need a break sometimes.” Tony squeezed a stress ball that was shaped like a small Iron Man helmet.

“I’ll take one later. Maybe use your beach house on Martha’s Vineyard.”

“Mi casa es su casa,” Tony assured her, smirking slightly before saying, “Pepper’s gonna be traveling a lot, and our nanny will be with her. Keep Morgan out of the line of fire as much as possible.”

She knew that the Tower would be a target. None of them were dumb enough to believe otherwise. She didn’t know what Thor’s plan was, but Sharon knew that they were all trying to figure out what the best options would be.

“Good, my goddaughter needs to be safe.” Sharon beamed before saying, “I am excited to meet her.”

The grin that crossed Tony’s face honestly warmed her heart. Tony had been taking to fatherhood so well. Sharon was honestly proud of him. Tony didn’t say anything for a second, instead looking off camera to where she knew that Morgan was napping while Pepper was in an interview.

Tony looked back at her a moment later. “Oh, before I forget.” Something you might want to do on the way though.” A file popped up on Sharon’s screen, and she sighed as she mentally promised herself to get a better firewall. “Peggy owned a small storage unit in Pennsylvania, on the way to New York. Might want to stop by it, find out if there’s any intel.”

“It’s not a bad idea,” Sharon admitted, clicking on it and looking at the property, at the records of payments for over two decades. Peggy had kept it quiet, under the name Maggie Sousa. “A lot of stuff wasn’t digitalized with SHIELD.”

“Just let me know when we can expect you and Rogers.” Tony paused before groaning and raising his hands. “Okay, I’ve got to ask. Is something going on between you two?”

Sharon raised a brow at him on the screen. “Between me and Steve?”

“Yeah. I know you guys have talked a few times, but I don’t know. I’m kinda getting a vibe. A weird one.” He raised a brow. “C’mon, tell me. Something’s going on.”

She didn’t have an answer to that. Because she knew exactly what Tony was talking about. A trust had built between them, a trust that they each had the other’s back, and Sharon honestly didn’t know what it was. She knew right now it was more of vibes of what could be than anything else.

Neither were ready for something like that. And Sharon knew that she was quite possibly reading far too much into it to say that there was something there.

“I trust him,” Sharon said simply, sighing as she tugged a hand through her hair. She looked through one document, pointedly avoiding Tony’s eyes across the screen. “And I think you guys need someone you can trust. We’ll be driving up together though, it makes more sense.”

“I get it. I’ll move on now.” He paused, and Sharon briefly heard wailing on the other end. “Got to go, someone needs me.”

“What type of cry is that?” Sharon wondered, unable to hide a smirk.

Tony hummed on the other end. “That’s a changing cry.” Before he hung up, he added, “And Sharon… I’m glad you two are coming up.”

“So am I, Tony.”

Sharon hung up the call and sighed as she looked down at the screen in front of her. There was so much to do. So much intel to sift through, figure out what might be useful as a lead and what would be useless. Not to mention getting everyone up there safely.

But Sharon Carter had always liked a challenge. And this was just another challenge.

She ignored the fact that the consequences would be even worse if they didn’t make the right choices.

* * *

 

A few hours before Clint, Natasha, and Kate officially left the compound, there was a knock on Coulson’s office door.

“It’s open,” Coulson called as he looked through files. Barnes had provided enough intel and suggestions that there was no shortage of potential targets. They were going to be very busy soon enough. And when the Avengers were up and running, things would be even crazier. Not to mention the fact that while Barnes would be a huge asset, they would need more agents.

He was focused enough on the intel in front of him that he didn’t say anything else for a moment. Instead, he marked where he had been reading, closed the intel, and looked up. And then, of course, promptly froze out of shock when he realized who had come in there.

Clint’s face was carefully blank. Coulson was blatantly reminded of the bitter, angry young man he’d found in a prison off a tip from Marion James, an archer who’d been in the wrong place at the wrong time while the people who truly were to blame were in the wind. He’d turned himself in. He hadn’t run.

And Coulson hadn’t seen that level of closed-off ness since then.

“Don’t say anything,” Clint warned. “I’m not here to talk to you. I’m here to say my piece. Say a word and I walk out.”

The Director of SHIELD swallowed heavily as he nodded simply. He did not move up from his desk, instead watching his former agent slam the newly repaired door shut behind him.

Clint took a deep breath, tugging a hand through his hair as he glared across at Coulson. “How dare you.”

There was a pain in his voice that Coulson hadn’t heard for a long time. And Coulson knew that this was deserved. He deserved every bit of yelling that came after this, and he would take it because he knew that Clint needed it.

“How fucking dare you.” Clint’s voice was harder and colder than steel. “How dare you. You say you didn’t have a choice, except you did. You know how I know that? Because you taught me that everyone has a choice. Or were you bullshitting me all those years ago?”

He hadn’t been. There’d of course been some level that had wanted to get that kid, that lost, angry, jaded archer back over onto a better path, but Coulson had not been lying when he had told Clint that there was always a choice. Clint had made his choice then, and Coulson should have known that this would be turned back against him.

Clint kept going. “After New York, I ran, Phil. I went to Alaska and I hid in a cabin for months on end because I was afraid of myself. I didn’t see my niece or nephew for over a year. I was lucky that my baby nephew was born right before I saw him.”

Coulson knew that as well, because Clint’s older brother had made his way to his office to lecture him a bit before trying to bully the location of Fury out of him. Barney had since left, but was clearly not happy with Coulson. And he couldn’t blame that.

“I ran and then when SHIELD fell, I –“ Clint took a deep breath before closing his eyes and saying, “And the only thing that got me through that damned captivity? Knowing I had a choice. Surrender or survive. I chose survive. Every single time. I chose to live through that.” He shook his head before repeating, “And you had a choice here.”

The archer turned away from him, heading towards the door before glaring back at him. “And I really hope you can learn to live with it.”

The archer walked away, not bothering to close the door behind him. He could hear Clint’s footsteps fading away, the archer not bothering to try and mask them.

Coulson knew that everything was more complicated than simple choices. Clint had been strong enough to survive that gulag, had been lucky enough to have people coming after him. Coulson knew that revealing his survival had not been an option, not with the wounds so raw.

“I know I made a mistake,” Coulson said simply, sighing when he realized someone else stood in the doorway. “You going to remind me again?”

Natasha shrugged lightly, green eyes not focused on him. Instead, she was staring in the direction Clint stormed off in. “I laid it all out in that motel room a few months back. I think we’re good. I’m past it. He… he’ll take much, much longer.”

And wasn’t that a damned fact.

“You know he’ll get over it eventually,” Natasha pointed out simply.

“I know. But that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve every bit of anger he’s felt.”

The redhead didn’t deny that. “You’ve got a good team here, Phil,” she pointed out. “You can focus on that for now. Let Clint come to you again.”

“Take care of him,” Coulson said. He glanced at her before admitting, “You always do. But keep a closer eye than normal. At least until he’s done being angry.”

“You clearly underestimate a Barton temper, but alright.” Natasha sighed before stepping forward and offering her hand. Coulson stood up and shook it firmly. It was formal. But Coulson knew Natasha had her own emotions to sift through.

“Good luck,” Coulson mentioned, nodding at her. “You’re heading out now?”

“Soon.” Natasha pulled her hand back before heading to the door, looking back at him. “I need to have a talk I’ve been avoiding too. Your newest agent and I… we need to discuss a few things.”

Coulson knew better than to ask. Some secrets, he mused, were going to stay secret for now.

* * *

 

After her talk with Coulson, as Kate and Clint made sure everything was packed, Natasha went to him.

He was in the Playground’s gym. He grunted as he went at the punching bag, not paying attention to anything around him. Natasha had seen Steve enough times to know that Barnes was likely the same, lost in his own mind as he tried to do something with his body. They were best friends; even with Barnes’ memory loss, it wasn’t a surprise that they would be similar.

Natasha paused in the doorway, watching him for a few minutes. An earbud fell out while he was working, and she saw the exact moment he realized she was there, the second the punches went just a bit harder.

She spoke first. If he wanted this conversation to happen, she damned well was going to be the one that spoke first and held some semblance of power over it.

“You remember me.” She was almost impressed at how calm her voice was.

Bucky swallowed, pausing in his movements. He did not look over at her. “You were younger.”

“That I was.” Her eyes flickered away before she looked back over at him. He needed the facts. And she’d long since mastered only giving clinical facts. And he’d long since mastered listening.

“HYDRA loaned you to a deep Russian intel cell in the 1980s, towards the end of the Cold War. You trained me in the Room. We started a relationship. After about a year, it was discovered – when we tried to run away. You sacrificed yourself to make sure I escaped. I thought you died until you shot me through the stomach to kill a man I was protecting. I tried to find you, and failed, until you shot me again in the streets of DC.”

It was so much more complicated than that. There were the politics of the Room, the moment that Yelena and Alexei had decided that things were going too far, when Ivan had decided his son’s soul was worth more than power, how close every single one of them had come to dying to take down Lukin, how Natasha had been forced to run for years before… but that was the gist of it.

And that was all that Barnes needed to know.

“You would have never found me.” He finally looked back at her, swallowing before pointing out, “You never would have found me, Natalia, you know that.”

“That doesn’t mean I didn’t try, soldat.” He flinched at the nickname. “We’re some of the only survivors of the Room. Alexei, Yelena, Yuri, Ivan…” She hesitated before saying, “Lukin.”

Barnes turned sharply towards her, his eyes narrowed, and Natasha raised her hand. “He won’t go near you. He’s very happy as an oligarch. And besides. He knows the second he steps out of line, every single one of us will join to kill him.”

And as much as all of them might have their differences, each of them had played a part in the downfall of the Red Room. And with their positions of power now – Alexei in the Russian military, Yuri in Russian intelligence, Ivan in politics, Yelena doing whatever the fuck she was doing with her French Maggia wife – none of them would hesitate if Lukin threatened that.

And even Lukin would hesitate to cross that alliance.

Bucky looked back over towards her, moving closer. “Does he know?” She knew he wasn’t talking about Lukin at that point. Her and Clint’s relationship had been made very clear by that point, to everyone.

“About the Soldier, yes. Not that it was you. Now that we’ve talked… I do plan on telling him. Clint and I don’t keep secrets, not anymore.” She looked back before saying, her voice lower when he stood in front of her, “Steve has no idea. That’s your choice if he knows. I don’t mind if he does.”

“I’ll tell him. Not right now. But later on. When things are calmer.” Bucky swallowed heavily, sighing as he looked back over at her. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you more.”

“You helped me where it mattered, when I was getting out.”

He gave a sad smile before pointing out, “No. You got yourself out of there, Natalia.”

“Maybe. I know I’m the one who built a life for myself.” Natasha paused before reaching out and taking his metal hand gently, raising a brow up at him. “Now it’s your turn. Build yourself a life, Yasha. You deserve that much.”

He gave a quiet sigh. “I don’t know if I do.”

“I think you do. Even if you don’t think so… know that other people do.” Natasha stepped forward and sighed. She stood in front of him a moment later before leaning up to kiss his cheek. “Call if you need anything. I mean it.”

Bucky didn’t reply. Instead, he watched her walk from the room. Less than an hour later, she was in a car heading up the East Coast with Barton and Bishop, dog in the back seat.

That night was the first night Bucky dreamed of what had happened in the Room, and his list of those that needed to die grew.

* * *

 

Steve was the last to leave.

He left with Carter. They had to go and get things from a storage unit, things of Peggy’s that might provide intel on HYDRA at the end of the war. If they knew where HYDRA had gone after they’d fallen, they knew where they might pop up next. Then they would drive up to New York. Carter would join Stark as the head of asset management. Steve would go to the Avengers.

It was a bittersweet goodbye.

In the main hangar area, just underneath what Coulson called the Bus, Bucky didn’t fight when Steve pulled him into a too tight hug. “Call if you need me. Any time. Any day. Whenever.” Steve was trying too hard, but Bucky couldn’t fault him for that.

“You too.” He could remember that too tight hug when he had gone off to war, leaving Steve behind. This felt similar; this time, though, they were both entering their own wars. Bucky swallowed before adding, “Stay safe, Rogers.”

Steve pulled away, managing a quiet smile and nod. “You too, Barnes.” His eyes flickered back over to the team before saying, “You’ve always been good as a team member. Watching everyone’s back.”

“I kept your ass alive for long enough.” He looked back at Team Coulson, hanging around the edges. Mack working on his motorcycle, Jemma nearby him, Coulson and May chatting quietly while Trip and Skye talked with Carter. “They’ll be a new challenge.”

“I think they’ll be something,” Steve admitted.

Bucky hesitated before saying, “I… I want it to be something. I want this to work.” He looked back at Steve before admitting, “I don’t know if it will or not. But I want to try.”

“I get it. I do.”

Because Steve truly did. He wanted the Avengers to work this time. They had a war to fight. They had to get back together, and a part of him was relieved. He trusted the Avengers. He trusted Sharon. He trusted that everyone going into this fight genuinely cared, and that was more than he thought he would get.

Steve looked back at him before saying, “Buck… if you ever want to get back from behind the scenes… there’s a place for you on the Avengers.”

“I know.” Bucky doubted that he would ever take it. But Steve had offered. And it mattered to Steve that he had offered. “And I promise I’ll call. If not to ask for help… just to talk.”

They couldn’t go back to how they were back in Brooklyn. But Bucky hoped that if they both had a chance to figure out who they were now in this modern world, they could figure out what their friendship would be. It would take time, there would be mistakes.

But they both wanted to try. And Bucky knew that might be enough.

Steve hesitated and nodded, squeezing his metal arm tightly. He could feel the pressure briefly, and Bucky managed a weak smile as he watched Steve force himself to walk away, heading to the passenger’s seat.

Across the hangar, Sharon hugged Trip and Skye in turn before heading over towards the car. She waved at May along the way, passing Barnes with a cordial nod.

Before he could stop himself, the Winter Soldier reached out and grabbed her arm with his human one. Sharon looked up sharply, tense, but paused, raising an eyebrow. The words slipped out of Bucky’s throat before he could stop him, but even decades of brainwashing and trauma couldn’t stop the protective instincts that were stirring in him.

“Watch out for him,” Bucky said, his voice low. His blue eyes flickered to Sharon’s brown ones as he said, “Please. He’s shit at taking care of himself.”

Sharon didn’t reply. Instead, she looked back over at Steve, who was staring at the two of them conversing as if it was about the last thing he expected. “I have been so far,” she said simply. “I don’t plan on stopping now. He needs it.”

Bucky snorted despite himself. “If you’re waiting for him to admit that, I wouldn’t hold your breath.”

She gave a genuine laugh. “I’m not. But he’s grateful in his own ways.” She looked back before saying, “Offer goes if you need anything from me either. Trip has my cell number. And… and I get cloak and dagger things a bit more than he does.”

Maye, just maybe, he and Sharon Carter were cut more from the same cloth than he thought.

He let go of her arm after squeezing it gently, and she winked at him. He managed a small smirk, watching the blond head to the driver’s side, her voice coming as she spoke with Steve. She got into the car first, waving to the others as she closed the door behind her and started the car.

Steve hesitated, looking back over towards Bucky before smiling weakly at him again. Bucky only shot a reassuring smirk back, watching as Steve finally slid into the passenger’s seat and closed the door behind him. The windows were tinted enough for Bucky to be unable to see inside, but he could hear the gears of the car shifting as Sharon put it into drive.

The car drove out from the Playground’s garage, and Bucky found himself alone once more.

He stood there for a few minutes, just watching carefully. This wasn’t the first time he’d been alone since he’d left HYDRA. He’d spent six months running, trying to find out who he was and what he wanted to do, stopping HYDRA from doing what’d been done to him to anyone else.

But this was the first time he’d been alone and safe from HYDRA. Or at least, he realized as he heard the voice behind him, safe from HYDRA. Not alone. Not anymore.

“James? Are you alright?”

Bucky’s eyes flickered away from the exit, and he took a deep breath when he saw Jemma there. She looked genuinely concerned, and Bucky forced a tiny nod.

“Yeah,” he said, his voice low. “I’m okay.” He shook his head before admitting, “Just… convincing myself that I didn’t make the wrong choice.”

He knew logically that making a wrong choice would not take away the rest of the choices that he would have in front of him. But Bucky Barnes was still learning how to choose, both large things and small. And this was one of the biggest choices he could make, to go to ground with the remnants of the organization he’d helped to destroy.

“If it’s right or wrong, it is yours,” Jemma pointed out. She gave a tiny smile before admitting, her voice a bit quieter, “I’m still not sure if I made the right choice in staying.”

He shot her a surprised look. She shrugged before saying, “I have a home. And a family there. And they could use me back at home. But I… I don’t want to leave here.” Her eyes moved to those talking. “My family is here too. And… well… I’ll do more good here than anywhere else.”

What remained of Bucky’s family had driven out of the base a few moments ago. But Bucky understood what she was trying to get at.

“I get it,” Bucky said, looking back over at the others. “I know that I’m walking into something that was already a family. I don’t know if I’ll be a part of it…” He looked back over before adding, “But I’m gonna protect them like they are.”

Jemma gave a quiet smile. “I think you’ll fit in here quite well, James.”

“Thanks, Jemma.” He looked back over before sighing. “C’mon. Think it’s time we got to work.”

It was going to be a long fight. But come hell or high water, Bucky Barnes was ready for it.

* * *

 

For the first hour or two, they were quiet. Sharon put on the radio, and Steve stared out the window, watching as darkness fell and night overtook everything.

He had a lot on his mind, after all. And the last thing Sharon wanted to do was intrude. But she hated silence in car rides, and as much as she trusted Steve, she was not about to let him listen to her long car ride music playlist.

She trusted him enough with her life. Just not enough with that playlist. Yeah, that made total sense.

Sharon gave him approximately three hours of silence, as the sun set and the roads because windier and less kept, even for Pennsylvania roads. When the GPS alerted her that they had approximately ten minutes until they reached the 24-7 storage center, she finally gave up giving him peace and broke the silence.

“Okay,” Sharon said, sighing as she looked back over at him. “I’ve given you time. Now I get to ask. Are you okay?”

He didn’t answer at first. There wasn’t a right answer for whether he was okay or not, because Steve honestly did not have an answer for her. He hated himself for leaving Bucky behind, for not staying with SHIELD. But he knew he would have hated himself more for going against Bucky’s wishes, staying with an organization Steve honestly did not believe in anymore.

Whether or not Bucky believed in it was irrelevant. They were taking the fight to HYDRA in a way that Bucky could handle better than him. And that was the important thing.

“I will be,” Steve admitted, sighing as he glanced back at Sharon. “Right now? I’m feeling guilty that I left him behind. Again.”

Honestly, Steve had no idea when he had gotten to the point where he was open with her, where he openly admitted guilt and what he was feeling. He was still hesitant about sharing that information with anyone outside of Sam. But Sharon was special, that much was clear, and he trusted her.

She’d seen him at his weakest before, when he’d broken down on that plane back to the States, when he hadn’t been sure if they could help Bucky. She hadn’t judged him. Steve would never forgive that.

“You didn’t abandon him,” Sharon pointed out. “He chose to stay behind with SHIELD. He thinks he can make a difference with them. And frankly, with his skill set? I think that he could.”

“Logically, I understand. Emotionally is a lot harder.”

Sharon only sighed before saying, “I get it. Just… don’t beat yourself for feeling emotions. You’re human, Steve, it’s pretty normal.” She glanced down at her GPS before saying, “After this, I say we stop for food. Hell, I say we stop at a hotel and use Stark’s credit card to get a good room for each of us, I don’t want to drive through the night…”

As he listened to her, he looked forward, and then completely froze.

Far up ahead, he could see orange lights, flashing red ones. Smoke rising from the minimal lights that they could see. “Sharon,” Steve said, his voice alert as he stared ahead.

“What-“ Sharon’s jaw dropped when she saw what lay ahead. “Oh my god.” Her foot pressed against the gas pedal, and Steve could hear the wheels squeal.

It took minutes for the car to stop near barricades. Steve was out of the car before Sharon could turn off the engine, his eyes wide as he stared at the fire. The entire storage locker facility was on fire, with at least half a dozen fire trucks around it.

A firefighter approached them as Sharon got out of the driver’s seat. “Folks, I’m gonna need you both to-“ His voice trailed off as he recognized Steve, and for once, Steve didn’t mind.

“I’m Sharon Carter, I’m with Stark Industries and Damage Control’s Asset Management division,” Sharon said, pulling out her ID. It wasn’t a Stark one, but it was something. “I had some personal effects in here, along with potential intelligence belonging to Stark Industries and their collaboration with the federal government, NATO, and the United Nations.“

Sharon was apparently very good at bullshitting, or at least getting someone to listen to her immediately.

“Whatever it was, it’s long gone,” the firefighter said bluntly, looking back over at her. “This fire’s been burning for at least an hour. The entire facility’s engulfed in it.”

Steve swallowed as he watched the flames. “Was anyone in there?”

The firefighter looked back at the blaze. “The third shift admin called the police. She said there’s three security guards at night. One’s been found and taken to the hospital. No sign of the other two.” He sighed before saying, “I can let you stay here, but let me get my captain over here. He might be able to get you more information.”

“Thank you,” Sharon said. She watched him go before shaking her head, tugging the key out of her pocket as she looked down at it.

Steve continued to watch the flames, his hands curled into fists as he shook his head. They didn’t need to say out loud who had done it. They both knew damned well who it was.

“You said Peggy had stuff in there?” Steve asked, swallowing heavily as he watched the blaze. “What type of stuff?”

“Old intel, journals, things like that.” Sharon looked back over a him. “I know what you’re thinking. I’m thinking it too.” She looked back at the fire and swallowed heavily, shadows flickering on her face. “I just – I don’t know what HYDRA would want to hide, what Peggy could have had.”

“Something they were desperate to keep away from us, and something important enough not to digitize to be leaked.” Steve’s eyes flickered back over, narrowing dangerously as he watched the flames. “We need to find out what – if it burned in there, if they took it with them…”

He knew that he was walking into a war. Sharon knew. Every single one of them knew that the second the Avengers assembled, they were entering a war with HYDRA. If HYDRA had any spies worth a damn, they would have realized that the Avengers had joined together, that Thor had gone back to London only temporarily, that the original six had more likely than not joined back together.

The Avengers were replacing SHIELD. And rather than waiting, HYDRA had decided to make the first move. Steve wasn’t surprised. But he’d wished that they would have more time to prepare.

As he watched the storage facility burn, Steve realized that they didn’t’ have time. They had to be ready, now.

“You think we’re ready for this?” Sharon asked softly, almost lost against the wind and the flames. Her phone was to her ear, and he assumed she was calling Tony, to alert him. “Because this game just started, Steve.”

“No. We’re not ready.” Steve swallowed heavily, his hands curling into fists into sides. “But we need to be.”

If they weren’t ready, they were dead. That was the truth of it. And Steve was god damned done with people dying, people being hurt, and HYDRA winning time and time again.

Tony and Thor were fathers now. They had children who would suffer if they died. They all had loved ones, reasons to fight. Hell, Steve knew that he was farther along than he’d been in the Battle of New York. People he loved would pay the consequences if he failed. And he was tired of failing.

As he watched the flames, Steve felt vibranium lace his spine, and he raised his chin, jaw clenching.

The Avengers were reassembling; and for the first time in years, Steve was ready to step back into war.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not completely sure what the next story will be, but they'll more likely than not post around the same time, since All That I've Got (which will focus on Bucky and Team Coulson) takes place in the first half of We Are the Brave (Steve/Sharon and the Avengers). Whatever one gets finished first will get posted first, and we'll go from there.
> 
> For now, I hope you enjoyed this part, and buckle up - things are gonna get crazy from here.

**Author's Note:**

> For the interested, I've created a Pinterest account for this story alone. Character boards and story boards are there to help with visuals, and the link is https://www.pinterest.com/lavenderhedgehog/. I'm also always willing to answer questions on there or in here about characters or anything.
> 
> For now, the next chapter will be out ASAP.


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